Become Jokes / Recent Jokes

A Catholic Priest and a Rabbi were chatting one day when the conversation turned to a discussion of job descriptions and promotion. "What do you have to look forward to in way of a promotion in your job?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, I'm next in line for the Monsignor's job." replied the Priest. "Yes, and then what?" asked the Rabbi. "Well, next I can become Arch-Bishop." said the Priest. "Yes, and then?" asked the Rabbi. "If I work real hard and do a good job as Arch-Bishop, it's possible for me to become a full Bishop." said the Priest. "O.K., then what?" asked the Rabbi. The Priest, begining to get a bit exasperated replied, "With some luck and real hard work, maybe I can become a Cardinal." "And then?" asked the Rabbi. The Priest is really starting to get mad now and replies, "With lots and lots of luck and some real difficult work and if I'm in the right places at the right times and play my more...

The paperless office will become a reality about the same time as the paperless toilet.

You Know You're Too Stressed If...

You can achieve a "Runner's High" by sitting up.

The Sun is too loud.

Trees begin to chase you.

You begin to explore the possibility of setting up an I. V. drip solution of espresso.

You wonder if brewing is really a necessary step for the consumption of coffee.

You can hear mimes.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

You believe that if you think hard enough, you can fly.

Things become "Very Clear."

You ask the drive-thru attendant if you can get your order to go.

You say the same sentence over and over again, not realizing that you have said it before.

You begin speaking in a language that only you and Chanelers can understand.

The less sense matter and matter is more than sense.

You and Reality file for more...

Have you heard about the five young bulls standing in the pasture discussing what they wanted to be when they grew up?
The first said he wanted to go to Rome and become a papal bull.
The second said he wanted to go to New York and become a bull on Wall Street.
The third wanted to go to the windy city to become a Chicago Bull.
The fourth said he wanted to go to Beijing and be a bull in a China shop.
The fifth said he was just going to stay in the pasture for heifer and heifer and heifer.

You've slept with Geraldo Rivera.
Arsenio touches your knee.
Even Richard Dawson won't kiss you.
Sheik offers you free shares in the company.
You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
Having two tampons in at the same time doesn't bother you.
The EPA comes looking for you.
You go through a Sealy (tm) a week.
Frederic actually comes to your door himself... just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.
When people say "Ho, Ho, Ho" and it's July.
When you don't know "What's his name?"
You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
You are the headquarters for the CDC.
Your baby looks familiar, but... like who?
When they change your # to 976.
Tetracycline is your best friend.
McDonald's calls you "The Happy Meal".
It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.
When you've got a "Take a NUmber" machine at your door.
When they call more...

I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, butI've only come up with one: Lying.

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions. How old are you?.... "I'm four and a half". ... You're never 36 and a half. ... you're four and a half going on five! That's the key. You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number. How old are you? "I'm gonna be 16." You could be 12, but you're gonna be 16. And then the greatest day of your life happens. ... you become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. ... you BECOME 21. .. YES!!! But then you turn 30. ... ooohhh what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk. ... He TURNED, we had to throw him out. There's no fun now. What's wrong?? What changed?? You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. .... stay over there, it's all slipping away. ....... You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, you're PUSHING 40, you REACH 50. .... and your dreams are more...