Bail Jokes / Recent Jokes

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

Send me some gifs
To harden my dick
Maybe topless pix
Of that Star Trek chick.
And while you're sending
I'd quite like to know
That hundred dollar recipe
For great cookie dough.
And send me a dollar
So I'll get rich quick
And a video tape
of last week's "The Tick".
Send me your password
And a Dvorak keyboard.
Send a Pentium Chip
And a Model T Ford.
Please send some webspace
And the secret to life
And a third-world virgin
Mail-order wife
And round trip tickets
to Frisco Bay
And a polo pony
and a bail of hay
And a bail of reefer
And a bucket of booze
And all of Imelda
Marcos's shoes
And a swimming pool
And a great big house
And an autographed photograph
Of Mickey Mouse.
Add me to the list!
And what ever you do,
Just please oh please
Can't you send me a clue?

Interviewer: what is ford? Santa: gaddi! Interviewer: good! What is oxford? Santa: bail gaddi!

Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name:____________
Alias:____________
Gang:____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...

The Math Test California officials have determined that students would probably do better with math word problems, if they could relate them to real life examples. Towards that end, may I present: The City of Los Angeles High School Math Proficiency ExamName: _______________________________ Gang: ___________________________ 1. Johnny has an AK-47 with an 80-round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots and shoots 13 times at each drive-by shooting, how many drive-by shootings can he attempt before he has to reload? 2. Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells an 8-ball to Jackson for $320 and 2 grams to Billy for $85 per gram. What is the street value of the balance of the cocaine if he doesn't cut it? 3. Rufus is pimping for three girls. If the price is $65 for each trick, how many tricks will each girl have to turn so Rufus can pay for his $800-per-day crack habit? 4. Jarome want to cut his 1/2 pound of heroin to make 20% more profit. How many ounces of cut will he need? 5. Willie gets more...