Bail Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A good friend will come and bail you out of jail...but, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Darn...that was fun!"

    Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
    Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
    So, here's a culturally normalized standard test.
    City of East Los Angeles
    High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
    Name:____________
    Alias:____________
    Gang:____________
    Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload?
    Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he sells more...

    Send me some gifs
    To harden my dick
    Maybe topless pix
    Of that Star Trek chick.
    And while you're sending
    I'd quite like to know
    That hundred dollar recipe
    For great cookie dough.
    And send me a dollar
    So I'll get rich quick
    And a video tape
    of last week's "The Tick".
    Send me your password
    And a Dvorak keyboard.
    Send a Pentium Chip
    And a Model T Ford.
    Please send some webspace
    And the secret to life
    And a third-world virgin
    Mail-order wife
    And round trip tickets
    to Frisco Bay
    And a polo pony
    and a bail of hay
    And a bail of reefer
    And a bucket of booze
    And all of Imelda
    Marcos's shoes
    And a swimming pool
    And a great big house
    And an autographed photograph
    Of Mickey Mouse.
    Add me to the list!
    And what ever you do,
    Just please oh please
    Can't you send me a clue?

    OJ Simpson returned to jail Friday on a bail violation. He allegedly told his bail bondsman to contact co-defendant Clarence "C.J." Stewart and express frustration about testimony given at the hearing where Simpson, Stewart and a third man were ordered to stand trial.

    Simpson denies ever trying to contact Stewart. But he did explain how he would have contacted Stewart if he indeed had needed to contact him.

    Extracted from US news papers:
    ---------------------------
    As part of an ongoing feud in Fairfield, Iowa, Ronald Warren Switzer, 39, flew a small plane over the
    home of Mike Parsons in July and fired several rifle shots - perhaps the first fly-by shooting in the
    U. S.
    ----------------------
    According to Saundra Lewis, a clerk at a Durham, N. C., convenience store that was held up in
    February, the robber kept apologizing. He said he was sorry when he began the holdup, then again when
    he rejected her plea to think it over, then again just as he fled. A few seconds after leaving, he
    returned and said, "I'm sorry - really, I'm sorry," but nevertheless kept the money. In contrast, the
    robber of a tobacco shop in Mesa, Ariz., in March not only returned the next night to rob the clerk
    again, but chastised her for having been rude to him the night before.
    ----------------------
    In a San Francisco Chronicle story in more...

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