Award Jokes / Recent Jokes
The "Stella" awards rank up there with the Darwin awards. Stella Liebeck is the 81 year old lady who spilled coffee on herself and sued McDonalds. This case inspired an annual award: The "Stella" Award - for the most frivolous lawsuits in the U. S.
The following are this year's candidates:
1. January 2000: Kathleen Robertson of Austin, Texas was awarded $780, 000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The owners of the store were understandably surprised at the verdict, considering the misbehaving little brat was Ms. Robertson's son.
2. June 1998: A 19 year old Carl Truman of Los Angeles won $74, 000 and medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Mr. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car, when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.
3. October 1998: A Terrence Dickson of Bristol, Pennsylvania was more...
John was driving when a policeman pulled him over. He rolled down his window and said to the officer, "Is there a problem, Officer?"
"No problem at all. I just observed your safe driving and am pleased to award you a $5, 000 Safe Driver Award. Congratulations. What do you think you're going to do with the money?"
John thought for a minute and said, "Well, I guess I'll go get that drivers' license."
Judi, sitting in the passenger seat said to the policeman, "Oh, don't pay attention to him -- he's just a wise guy when he's drunk and stoned."
Brian from the back seat said, "I told you guys we wouldn't get far in a stolen car!"
At that moment, there was a knock from the trunk and a muffled voice said, "Are we over the border yet?"
Gilchrist and Sangakkara
The ICC 2007 World Cup final between Sri Lanka and Australia is now history and another traingular series of matches coming ahead.
There has been loads of articles published, wide range of views expressed and many postmortems by various individuals, including past and present cricketers held.
I have been carefully reading all the stuff, including our own' on-the-spot' reports filed by veteran cricket writer Dr. Elmo Rodrigopulle, the only Sri Lankan English journalist to cover the entire tournament.
Whilst thinking of all those action paced episodes from the Caribbean for nearly two months, I had a dream.
Yes! That was a dream final.
Sri Lanka captain Mahela Jayawardena won the toss and elected to bat first in a final curtailed to 38 overs per side due to morning rain. Sri Lanka made a commanding total of 281 for 4 in their allocated 38 overs. The architect of the massive Lankan total was none other than wicket keeper batsman more...
Once again it is time to start thinking about casting your vote for the 1998 Darwin Award winner! As you may already know, the Darwin Awards are for those nominees who contribute to the gene pool by dying in spectacularly stupid ways before they breed (thankfully).
The 1998 nominees are:
NOMINEE No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]
An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.
NOMINEE No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]
James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, Mich., was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as a "farm type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft."
NOMINEE No. 3: [Hickory Daily more...
An award should go to the United Airlines gate agent in Denver for being smart and funny, and making her point, when confronted with a passenger who probably deserved to fly as cargo. During the final days at Denvers old Stapleton airport, a crowded United flight was canceled. A single agent was rebooking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly, an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket down on the counter and said, "I HAVE to be on this flight and it has to be FIRST CLASS."The agent replied, "Im sorry sir. Ill be happy to try to help you, but Ive got to help these folks first, and Im sure well be able to work something out."The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, so that the passengers behind him could hear, "Do you have any idea who I am?"Without hesitating, the gate agent smiled and grabbed her public address microp hone. "May I have your attention please?" she began, her voice bellowing throughout more...
Betty White received a SAG award for her acting and 88-year-old breasts.
The Oscars are here! The Oscars are here!
The single greatest night of year is coming, and that means it's time for me to tell you who will win! I'm good, you know it. Last year, I told you James Coburn would win, and you all laughed, and he won. WHY DO YOU DOUBT ME?
Many of you cling to the belief that the Oscar goes to the most deserving nominee. Get over yourself. Oscars have nothing to do with talent and everything to do with marketing. With that in mind, here is the list of who will win.
BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR OK, everyone loved the little kid in Sixth Sense. But the last time the Academy gave an award to a damn kid (Anna Paquin from The Piano) she vanished off the face of the Earth to concentrate on a spelling bee. Face it, they ain't gonna give an award to anyone who still worships the Power Rangers. How about Michael Clarke Duncan from The Green Mile? Too tall. Jude Law? Forget it, his name's Jude.
There are really only two possible more...