Areas Jokes

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    Element: Woman
    Symbol: wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary from 93 to 280
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copius quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in suburban and rural areas. Known to occuur in small, highly concentrated deposits in Urban areas (see Shopping Mall).

    Physical properties:
    1. Surface usually covered with painted film.
    2. Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    3. Melts if given special treatment.
    4. Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches, handle with care.
    5. Found in various states ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    6. Yields to pressure applied at correct points.

    Chemical properties:
    1. Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum, and and many of the precious stones.
    2. May explode spontaneously if left alone.
    3. Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    4. Insoluble in liquids, but displays a certain more...

    How to Shower Like a Woman 1. Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. 2. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. 3. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups 4. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone. 5. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. 6. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. 7. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced with natural avocado oil. Leave on hair for 15 minutes. 8. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. 9. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. 10. Rinse conditioner off hair. 11. Shave armpits and legs. 12. Turn off shower. 13. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. 14. Get out of shower. Dry more...

    15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
    (I actually did all of these)
    1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
    (I met lots of new people this way)
    2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
    3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
    4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
    5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
    6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...

    Element: Woman
    Symbol: Wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
    Physical Properties:
    a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
    b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    c) Melts if given special treatment.
    d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
    e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
    Chemical Properties:
    a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
    b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
    d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
    e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to more...

    Element: Woman
    Symbol: Wo
    Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
    Discoverer: Adam
    Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with
    slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
    seasonal fluctuations.
    Physical Properties
    Surface usually covered with painted film.
    Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
    Melts if given special treatment.
    Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
    Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
    Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
    Chemical Properties
    Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
    Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
    May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
    Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
    alcohol to a certain point.
    Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
    Most more...

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