Areas Jokes / Recent Jokes

15 Fun Things to do in Public Areas
(I actually did all of these)
1. Go up to random people and ask "How are you doing?" See what kind of conversation you can start.
(I met lots of new people this way)
2. Ask someone what another person's name is nearby. Go up to that person and say "Hey, *person's name*. How are you? You forgot my name, again, didn't you!?" (People normally look at me very confused with this one.)
3. Fall down in front of strangers, and see if they try to help. (If they don't help, I yell out, "FINE! DON'T HELP ME THEN!")
4. Bump into someone and pretend it causes you to fall down. See if they apologize. (This is hard to do, because they normally try to avoid me when I try to bump them.)
5. Walk behind someone until he/she turns around. Then say, "What?" (You should look very confused, so it makes them be confused also.)
6. Run around and jump on things and make noises pretending to be a more...

Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced
regarding employees traveling on official business. These policies are effective
immediately.
TRANSPORTATION
Hitch-hiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged.
Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their
departure on company business trips. Should hitch-hiking prove fruitless, bus
travel may be utilized if absolutely necessary. Airline tickets will be
authorized for purchase only under extreme circumstances, and the lowest fares
will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle but a lower
fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be
substituted for travel to Seattle.
Car rental fees are going up all the time, and are to be avoided. As a
substitute for these charges, we recommend car-sharing. Simply turn your issued
luminescent safety vest inside more...

PASSENGER
A herding creature of widely varying intellect, usually found in pairs or small groups. Often will become vicious and violent in simple and easily rectified situations. When frightened or confused these creatures collect into a group called a "line." This "line" has no set pattern and is usually formed in inconvenient places. Passengers are of four known species: Paxus iratus, Paxus latus, Paxus inebriatus, & Paxus ignoramus.
PRE-BOARD
Passenger who arrives at the gate five minutes before departure.
VOLUNTARY OVERSALE
A passenger who arrives at the gate as the jetway is coming off the flight.
NO-RECORD
Any passenger booked through a travel agency.
NON-REVENUE POSITION
Usually can be identified by the fact that these passengers are in first class and are dressed in pilot or flight attendant uniforms. Non-revenue position are permitted to fly first class free of charge to prevent revenue passengers from being able to pay more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties:
a) Surface usually covered with painted film.
b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
c) Melts if given special treatment.
d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties:
a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.
e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to more...

Element: Woman
Symbol: Wo
Atomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.
Discoverer: Adam
Occurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with
slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to
seasonal fluctuations.
Physical Properties
Surface usually covered with painted film.
Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.
Melts if given special treatment.
Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care!
Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.
Yields to pressure applied to correct points.
Chemical Properties
Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.
Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.
May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.
Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in
alcohol to a certain point.
Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.
Most more...

Element: WomanSymbol: WoAtomic Weight: Accepted as 118, but known to vary 105-175.Discoverer: AdamOccurrence: Copious quantities in all Urban areas, with slightly lower concentrations in Suburban and Rural areas. Subject to seasonal fluctuations.Physical Properties :a) Surface usually covered with painted film.b) Boils at nothing, freezes without reason.c) Melts if given special treatment.d) Bitter if used incorrectly. Can cause headaches. Handle with care! e) Found in various states; ranging from virgin metal to common ore.f) Yields to pressure applied to correct points.Chemical Properties :a) Has great affinity for Gold, Silver, Platinum and many precious stones.b) Absorbs great quantities of expensive substances.c) May explode spontaneously if left alone on dates.d) Insoluble in liquids, but there is increased activity when saturated in alcohol to a certain point.e) Repels cheap material. Neutral to common sense.f) Most powerful money reducing agent known to Man.Uses :a) Highly more...

=======================================
MATERIALS SAFETY DATA SHEET
MEN - A CHEMICAL ANALYSIS
ELEMENT: MAN
ATOMIC WEIGHT: Accepted as 170 lbs, known to vary from 98 to 360 lbs
SYMBOL: EGO
DISCOVERER: Eve. Discovered by accident one day when she had a craving for ribs.
OCCURANCE: Large quantities in all populated areas. Highly concentrated deposits at all sporting events and areas known as "singles bars". Extremely low quantities can be found in any location where cleaning up is required. (See Women and Slave Labor)
PHYSICAL PROPERTIES:
1) Surface often covered with hair--bristly in some areas, soft in others.
2) Boils when inconvenienced, freezes when faced with Logic & Common Sense.
3) Melts if treated like a God.
4) Can cause headaches and severe body aches; handle with extreme caution.
5) Specimens can be found in various states ranging from deeply sensitive to extremely thick.
6) Becomes stubborn and more...