Alternate Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Progress is made on alternate Fridays.

    This is part of the online manual entry for the unix 'date' command. If anyone can understand it, apply to join the civil service this minute:
    "If you attempt to set the current date to one of the dates that the standard and alternate time zones change (for example, the date that daylight time is starting or ending), and you attempt to set the time to a time in the interval between the end of standard time and the beginning of the alternate time (or the end of the alternate time and the beginning of standard time), the results are unpredictable."

    You've seen those ads on TV promising amazing results from all sorts
    of contraptions. Well, there's no need to invest in fancy equipment.
    If you have (or can borrow) a dog, you have everything you need to
    get in shape now!!! The following exercises can be done anywhere,
    Inner Thighs: Place the dog's favorite toy between thighs. Press
    tighter than the dog can pull. Do not attempt bare legged - dogs who
    favor shortcuts to success will just dig the toy out. You could be
    Upper Body Strength: Lift the dog - off the couch, off the bed, out
    of the flower bed. Repeat, repeat, repeat. As the dog ages, this
    exercise is reversed - onto the couch, onto the bed, into the car and
    so on.
    Balance and Coordination, Exercise 1: Remove your puppy from
    unsuitable tight places. If they're too small for him, they're
    certainly too small for you. Do it anyway!
    Balance and Coordination, Exercise 2: Practice not falling when more...

    AAC Alter All CommandsAAD Alter All DataAAO Add And OverflowAAR Alter At RandomAB Add BackwardsABC AlphaBetize CodeABR Add Beyond RangeACC Advance CPU ClockACDC Allow Controller to Delete ContentsACDP Allow Controller to Die PeacefullyACQT Advance Clock to Quitting TimeADB Another Dumb BugAEE Absolve Engineering ErrorsAFF Add Fudge FactorAFHB Align Fullword on Halfword BoundaryAFP Abnormalize Floating PointAFR Abort Funny RoutineAFVC Add Finagle's Variable ConstantAGB Add GarBageAGWA Add and Get Wrong AnswerAI Add ImproperAIB Attack Innocent BystanderAIB Attack Innocent BystandersAISG Access and Improve Student GradeAMM Add Mayo and MustardAMM Answer My MailAMS Add Memory to SystemANC ANnoy ConsultantAOI Annoy Operator ImmediateAR Advance RudelyAR Alter RealityARN Add and Reset to Non-zeroARN Add and Reset to NonzeroARZ Add and Reset to ZeroAS Add SidewaysASQGSA ASCII Stupid Question, Get a Stupid ANSIAT Accumulate TriviaAWP Argue With ProgrammerAWTT Assemble With Tinker ToysBA Branch more...

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