"Star Wars Alternative Ending" joke

Hot 8 years ago

A furious lightsaber duel is underway. Darth Vader is backing Luke Skywalker
towards the end of the gantry. A quick move by Vader chops off Luke's hand!
It goes spinning off into the ventilation shaft. Luke backs away. He looks
around, but realizes there's nowhere to go but straight down.
Darth Vader: "Obi Wan never told you what happened to your father."
Luke: "He told me enough! He told me you killed him!"
Darth Vader: "No... I am your father!"
Luke: "No, it's not true! It's impossible."
Darth Vader: "Search your feelings... you know it to be true..."
Luke: "No!"
Darth Vader: "Yes, it is true.. and you know what else? You know that brass
droid of yours?"
Luke: "Threepio?"
Darth Vader: "Yes... Threepio... I built him... when I was 7 years old..."
Luke: "No..."
Darth Vader: "Seven years old? And what have you done? Look at yourself, no
hand, no job, and couldn't even levitate your own ship out of the swamp..."
Luke: "I destroyed your precious Death Star!"
Darth Vader: "When you were 20! When I was 10, I single-handedly destroyed a
Trade Federation Droid Control ship!"
Luke: "Well, it's not my fault..."
Darth Vader: "Oh, here we go... 'Poor me... my father never gave me what
I wanted for my birthday... boo hoo, my daddy's the Dark Lord of the Sith...
waahhh wahhh!'"
Luke: "Shut up..."
Darth Vader: "You're a slacker! By the time I was you're age, I had
exterminated the Jedi knights!"
Luke: "I used to race my T-16 through Beggar's Canyon!"
Darth Vader: "Oh, for the love of the Emperor... 10 years old, winner of the
Boonta Eve Open... Only human to ever fly a Pod Racer... right here baby!"
Luke looks down the shaft. Takes a step towards it.
Darth Vader: "I was wrong... You're not my kid... I don't know whose you
are, but you sure ain't mine..."
Luke takes a step off the platform, hesitates, then plunges down the
shaft. Darth Vader looks after him.
Darth Vader: "Get a haircut!"

A lawyer and a blonde are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few more...

How do I know that my youth is all spent?
Well, my get up and go has got up and went.
But in spite of it all I am able to grin
when I recall where my get up has been.
Old age is golden-so I've heard it said-
but sometimes I wonder when I get into more...

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed more...

A lady says to her doctor, "My husband has been complaining that my vagina has an odor, but I bent over and took a whiff, and I don't smell anything."
The doctor examines her vagina, and then says, "There's something terribly wrong. You need an more...

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands more...

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