"Suicide" joke

A blonde decided to commit suicide by hanging herself from a tree in the park.
A few days later, a man was walking his dog and spotted her hanging from the tree. He asks the blonde what she is doing and she replies, "I'm hanging myself."
"You're supposed to put the noose around your neck, not your waist," said the onlooker. "I tried that," replied the blonde, "but I couldn't breathe."

A guy calls a company and orders their 5-day, 5kg weight loss program.

The next day, there's a knock on the door and there stands before him a voluptuous, athletic, 19 year old babe dressed in nothing but a pair of Nike running shoes and a sign around her more...

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TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!

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A very absent-minded professor entered a crowded bus, with no available seats. Suddenly a little girl raised from her seat and offered it to the professor. He was astonished and said to her:
- You are a very good girl, what's your name?
- My name is Eve, daddy...

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Mr. Spears announced he will write an autobiography so people will have a better understanding of who he is. Federline will write the book as part of a Learning Annex class he's taking called, "Autobiography Writing For Talentless Douchebags With Nothing To Say."

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A man submitted an autobiography to a publisher. The publisher read the first 3 pages and said, ” I cant publish this book! Youre just writing a story about your car!
The man said, ” I know….. thats why they call it an auto-biography!! ”

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Devon:Lol, that was just a saying that the one redhead and one bournette sent by gods african tribe and it's beyond crazy to that prehistoric scene that everyone jumped out and climbed up the nearest tree is part of the fatal rescue to run from the fire and guns cause there predators and cant see where the fake incidents lead to and tried laying down thescreaming tand wild gunman to poo the redhead and tribe caled 1-2-3 causing shamble cure masquline sword sorrows in savory prediction.
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autumn:Talk to me.
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autumn:I was just in a tornato.
Funny Joke? 71 vote(s). 79% are positive. 4 comment(s).