"Lock, Stock and Barrel" joke

Hot 2 years ago

An entrepreneur attended an auction at which he won the bid on an old safe. With dreams of a large fortune inside, he was told that the business from which the safe originated was so long defunct, that no one had the combination. Undaunted, he called a locksmith to try to get the safe open.

The first locksmith told the entrepreneur that it would cost forty dollars to open the safe intact. However, tried as he might, he couldn't open it, and told the wealthy man that he had lost his money in buying the safe.

The entrepreneur then contacted another locksmith, a crusty, bent old man with three days' growth of white whiskers, who took a long look at the safe, noted its manufacturer and retired to his truck. Shortly, he returned with a power drill, a ruler, and a small, bent piece of metal.

The locksmith measured a few inches from the dial and marked an "x" at the "2 o'clock" mark. It took more than half an hour for the old man to drill through the safe's door. He then took the bent metal, hooked it through the hole and fished around a few moments until a loud "CLICK" was heard. Turning the handle the door swung open slowly.

The safe was empty.

Disappointed, the entrepreneur turned to the locksmith and asked the charge for opening the safe.

"A hundred and twenty dollars," replied the locksmith.

"A hundred and twenty dollars?!" shouted the businessman, "That's outrageous! The other man only wanted forty! I want an itemized bill for it!"

"Okay." The locksmith turned on his heel and returned to his truck. A few minutes later, the entrepreneur was presented with a dirty piece of paper upon which the locksmith had written:

Charge for drilling hole: $20

Charge for knowing WHERE to drill hole: $100.

A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Why did the dishonest man grow a beard?
So that no one could call him a bare-faced liar!

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, "How long have you been wearing that bra?" The friend replies, "Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment."

A 12-year-old boy comes up to the Polak and says, "I was looking in your bedroom window last night and I saw your wife giving you a blow job. Nyah, nyah, nyah."The Polak answers, "The joke's on you, Johnny. Nyah, nyah, nyah-I wasn't even home last night!"

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Anonym:I too am a locksmith dispatcher, and I know exactly what you mentioned. Although there are honest locksmiths, there are the dishonest ones out there too, who rip people off, and makes the whole industry look bad.
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Don:This joke was hilarious!!!! Being that I am a dispatcher at a locksmith company, I can understand the frustration of some people towards locksmiths. I think this is because the customer feels they are in a vulnerable position and really have no leverage to bargain with. I suggest that people requiring the services of a locksmith do their research; you should ask for business license numbers, and insurance information. We here at <a href="http://www.aaa-locksmith.com">AAA Locksmith</a> are registered with the Better Business Bureau, and have a proven track record of quality service, at reasonable rates in a timely manner. Anyway, thanks for the laugh and know that there are a few honest locksmiths out there!!!
Funny Joke? 26 vote(s). 88% are positive. 2 comment(s).