Yama Jokes

Three ladies died and went to the final court of Yama (The Hindu mythology god who keeps track of good and bad deeds of everyone). The subordinate listed all the good and bad deeds of the three ladies and finally Yama asks them the final question which will decide their fate.
Yama to 1st lady: "So, What do you have to say about yourself?"
1st lady: "Sir! I had been a true hindu wife faithful to my husband and I kept him happy all through my married life."
Yama to 1st lady: "Hmm... I see. Ok! Subordinate show her the way of heaven". And she is taken to the heaven.
Yama to 2nd lady: "So, What do you have to say about yourself?"
2nd lady: "Sir! I had been a true human being and kept all my family members happy all through my life."
Yama to 2nd lady: "Hmm... I see. Ok! Subordinate show her the way of heaven". And she is also taken to the heaven.
Yama to 3rd lady: "And now Madam, What do you have more...

A MAN WAS SLEEPING IN HIS HOUSE.
SUDDENLY YAMA (God of Death) APPEARED & SAID, "GO OUT & ENJOY.
NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU FOR THE NEXT 10 YEARS."
HE DID SO & MET WITH AN ACCIDENT & DIED.
IN HELL, HE ASKED YAMA, WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME.
YAMA REPLIED, " SORRY SON, MONTH END, HAD TO ACHIEVE TARGET.. "

President JR and PM Premadasa died on the same day and they were sent to APAAYA (Hell) for punishment for the sins they have commited during their ruling the country. On the way to APAAYA Premadasa said to JR "Sir, shall we take some gifts to YAMA RAJJURUWO (The king of the hell). JR replied "Through out your life you were taking bribes from poor people and now you are thinking of bribing YAMA RAJJURUWO too. I do not like your idea"
Then Premadasa said to JR "Sir, you do not know the brutality of the punishments in the hell. If we take something YAMA RAJJUROWO will give us some simple punishments." Ultimately JR agreed to take some gift to YAMARAJJURUWO.
While they were walking through the path to the hell they saw a vegetable/fruit market and Premadasa said "Sir, shall we take some DURIAN (A local fruit)" Then JR said are you mad? why should we spend too much for this? If you really need let us take 2 lemons" Premadasa ultimately more...

Once Mahinda Rajapakse, Ranil Wikramasinghe & Mervin Silva were
travelling in a Taxi. They met with an accident and all three of them died. Yama was waiting for this moment at the doorstep of death. He asks Mahinda and Ranil to go to HEAVEN.
But, for Mervin, Yama had already decided that he should be sent to HELL.
Mervin is not at all happy with this decision. He asks Yama as to why this discrimination is being made. All the three of them had served the public. Similarly, all took bribes, all misused public positions, etc. Then why the differential treatment?
He felt that there should be a formal test or an objective evaluation before a decision is made; and should not be just based on opinion or pre-conceived notions.
Yama agrees to this and asks all the three of them to appear for an English test. Mahinda is asked to spell' SRI LANKA' and he does it correctly. Ranil is asked to spell' INDIA' and he too passes. It is Mervin's turn and he is asked to spell' more...