Wire Jokes / Recent Jokes

I give all of these people a DUH! - DOH! - & Woo-hoo! HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD! AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package. (Let that be a lesson to him!)WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS! Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up. (No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL... NOT! An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account. (Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY... READ THIS Fire investigators more...

THE SEQUELS CONTINUE
(these are all by me by the way)
"Hmm... Let's go for the gusto today!"
"Here's my ticket to fame, fortune, and Ripley's Beleive it or Not!"
"I'm not as think as you drunk I am!"
"Gotta match?"
"Now, why in the name of God's green Earth did I do that?!"
"We'll just mix these two together and that should...!"
"No honey, there's no one in your closet. Now go to sleep. Quit crying. Here, I'll look just to make sure."
"It's the red wire, right? The blue wire? There is no blue wire. The black one then? You're so wishy-washy. Here I'll just cut them both!"
"Wow. A real dud grenade! Can I pick it up?"
"Hey what's with the mask! I'm just visiting the hospital! Zzzzzzzzz..."
"Sister Loretta, I'm telling you, I DID NOT TAKE THE LORD'S NAME IN VAIN. Geez! That's the biggest ruler I've ever seen!"
"Don't move. more...

A short story...
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
Dumb Ohio Laws
# In Ohio, if you ignore an orator on Decoration day to such an extent as to publicly play croquet or pitch horseshoes within one mile of the speaker`s stand, you can be fined $25. 00.
# Women are prohibited from wearing patent leather shoes in public.
# It is illegal to fish for whales on Sunday.
# It is illegal to get a fish drunk.
# The Ohio driver`s education manual states that you must honk the horn whenever you pass another car.
# Participating or conducting a duel is prohibited.
# Breast feeding more...

An old man in Mississippi is sitting on his front porch watching the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying something big under his arm.

"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of chicken wire."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch some chickens."

"You damn fool! You can't catch chickens with chicken wire!"

The boy just laughs and keeps walking. That evening at sunset, the boy comes walking by, dragging behind him the chicken wire with about 30 chickens caught in it.

The next morning, the old man is out watching the sun rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something in his hand. "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"

"Roll of duct tape."

"What you gonna do with that?"

"Gonna catch me some ducks."

"You damn fool! You can't catch ducks with duct more...

Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a boxing referee? A: A boxing referee doesn't get paid more for a longer fight.
Q: How was copper wire invented?
A: Two lawyers arguing over a penny.
Q: What do you get if you beat the shit out of a lawyer?
A: An empty suit.
Four out of five doctors say that if they were stranded on a deserted island with no lawyers, they wouldn't need any aspirin.
Q: What do lawyers and bullfrogs have in common?
A: Both have a big head that consists mostly of mouth.
Q: Why is it dangerous for lawyers to walk onto a construction site when plumbers are working?
A: The plumbers might connect the drain line to the wrong suer.
Q: What do you get if you cross a lawyer with a drunk pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things even a drunk pig won't do.
Q: What do lawyers and sperm have in common?
A: They're both squirmy, both live in slime, and only one in 250 million accomplishes anything more...

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by sending extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuit for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog.
He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone.
Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:
a. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar..
b. The dog was receiving 90 more...

It's common practice in England to ring a telephone by signaling extra voltage across one side of the two wire circuit and ground (earth in England). When the subscriber answers the phone, it switches to the two wire circuits for the conversation. This method allows two parties on the same line to be signaled without disturbing each other.
Anyway, an elderly lady with several pets called to say that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called; and that on the few occasions when it did ring her dog always barked first.
The repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog. He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring. He tried again. The dog barked loudly, followed by a ringing telephone. Climbing down from the pole, the repair man found:
A dog was tied to the telephone system's ground post via an iron chain and collar.
The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling more...