Ducks Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Don't Hit The Ducks

    Hot 1 year ago

    Three golfing partners died in a car wreck and went to heaven.

    Upon arrival they discover the most beautiful golf course they have ever seen.

    St. Peter tells them that they are all welcome to play the course, but he cautions them that there is only one rule:
    Don't hit the ducks.
    The men all have blank expressions, and finally one of them asks "The ducks?"
    "Yes", St. Peter replies, "There are millions of ducks walking around the course and if one gets hit, he squawks then the one next to him squawks and soon they're all squawkin to beat the band, and it really breaks the tranquility. If you hit the ducks, you'll be punished, otherwise everything is yours to enjoy."
    After entering the course, the men noted that there was indeed a gaggle of ducks everywhere. Within fifteen minutes, one of the guys hit one of them. The duck squawked, the one next to it squawked and soon there was a deafening roar of duck more...

    Salman Joke

    Hot 2 years ago

    Aamir Khan, Vivek Oberoi and Salman Khan die together in an accident and go
    to heaven. When they get there, St. Peter says, "We only have one rule here
    in heaven: Don`t step on the ducks!"
    So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
    It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their
    best to avoid them, Aamir accidentally steps on one. Along comes St. Peter
    with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together
    and says, "Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity
    chained to the ugly woman!"
    The next day, Vivek Uberoi steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn`t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for Aamir Khan.
    Salman has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all
    eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY more...

    Hunter Sardar

    Hot 3 years ago

    A Sardar went hunting one day in Ontario and bagged three ducks. He put them in the bed of his pickup truck and was about to drive home when he was confronted by a game warden who didn't like Sardars. The game warden ordered the Sardar to show his hunting license, and the Sardar pulled out a valid Ontario hunting license.
    The game warden looked at the license, then reached over and picked up one of the ducks, sniffed its butt, and said, "This duck ain't from Ontario. This is a Quebec duck. You got a Quebec huntin' license, boy?"
    The Sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Quebec hunting license. The game warden looked at it, then reached over and grabbed the second duck, sniffed its butt, and said "This ain't no Quebec duck. This duck's from Manitoba. You got a Manitoba license?"
    The sardar reached into his wallet and produced a Manitoba hunting license. The warden then reached over and picked up the third duck, sniffed its butt, and said, more...

    Clean Humor

    Hot 6 years ago

    It seems three Irishmen, Sean, Michael and Tim, passed over at the same time. Upon encountering the Pearly Gates, they were met by ST. Patrick himself, and he addressed the boys thusly: "Lads, I'm here to welcome you to heaven where you will spend eternity. Just remember one thing, when you go through these gates, don't step on any of the ducks or you'll be punished for eternity. Sean went in first and was amazed to see that the entire ladscape was encompassed by ducks, and try as he might, sure enough he stepped on one. He was immediately joined by one of the homliest colleens he's ever laid eyes on, and she said,"Well love, you stepped on a duck and now we're together for all time."And of course the exact same thing happened to Michael only his companion was even the worse for wear. By this time Tim was absolutely terrified. And he gingerly managed to make it most of the way across the court without stepping on a single duck. Suddenly, his arm was taken by a young more...

    Rooster

    Hot 2 years ago

    A farmer, upset with his low yield of eggs, decided to go to town to buy a fresh rooster who could liven things up a bit with his hens. The man at the supply store told him he wished he could help, but all he had was this incredible randy rooster.
    "But that's just what I need!" the farmer said. The store owner said, "Not this rooster, he's trouble. I've never seen anything so horny." But the farmer insisted and eventually took the rooster home on the condition that he wouldn't ever return it.
    Once home, the rooster jumped into the hen house and nailed every hen repeatedly until they were all exhausted and nearly dead. Undaunted, the rooster hopped the fence and got in with the ducks, repeating the scene with the hens and wiping out all the ducks. He then leaped another fence and proceeding to nail all the geese.
    This continued for three days until all the farm birds that were left alive lay gasping. The farmer found the rooster prostrate in the middle more...

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