Warning Jokes / Recent Jokes
WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).
These are real labelings on real products that they sell around the world.
On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)
On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But it's just a SUGGESTION.)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Hmm, a no go on the dessert)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (Really? I thought it would be cold)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (Oh darn, I was going to!)
On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (That would really bring down the number of construction accidents by keeping those 5-year-olds off of those forklifts!)
On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And I'm taking this because?)
On most brands of more...
* Note: I am unsure whether this is true, but it is still funny.
At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to more...
One day there was this preacher and he was having his usual sermon when all of a sudden it started raining, really, really, hard!!! After about 1 full hour of complete non-stop rain, they started making evacuations because the whole church was flooding, but the preacher just stood there in the ankle-deep water.
A guy in a car came up to him and said. "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
But the preacher just replied "Don't worry God will save me."
The man then said "Whatever!" and drove away.
The water was now knee-deep and a guy in a raft came over to the Preacher and said "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
Despite the second warning the Preacher just stood there and replied "Don't worry God will save me."
The man then said "Whatever!!" and rowed away in the orange raft.
The water was now waist-deep and a guy in a power boat came to the Preacher more...
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a retard.
Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking cigarettes while masturbating could cause personal injury. Recommend taking a class to adequately prepare for such a task.
Surgeon General's Warning: Don't take this fine print too seriously; the feds make us print it.
Surgeon General's Warning: 100% pure tax.
Surgeon General's Warning: No matter how hard you try, you'll never look as cool as Bogart.
Surgeon General's Warning: This cigarette mascot has phallic facial features.
Surgeon General's Warning: Smoking during pregnancy can cause your baby to look like Herve Villacheze.
Surgeon General's Warning: If you actually wear the free clothing you get from collecting multiple empty cigarette packs, you will look like a moron.
Surgeon General's Warning: The Surgeon General has determined that cigarette smoking may cause women to look like cheap, sleazy sluts.
Surgeon General's Warning: Keith Richards is a fluke.
Surgeon General's Wwarning: The Surgeon General has more...