Warning Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Bill Gates compares the computer industry with General Motors
    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself):
    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
    For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall more...

    Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

    Your friends tell you that you have been acting strange lately, and then you hit them several times with a sledgehammer.
    Everyone you meet appears to have tentacles growing out of places that you wouldn't expect tentacles to be growing from.
    You start out each morning with a 30-minute jog around the bathroom.
    You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.
    Every time you see a street sign, you have a tremendous urge to relieve yourself on it.
    You wear your boxers on your head because you heard it will ward of evil dandruff spirits.
    You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.
    Every commercial you hear on the radio reminds you of death.
    People stay away from you whenever they hear you howl.
    Your breath smells more and more like squirrel dung each passing day.
    You laugh out loud during funerals.
    When your doctor tells more...

    * Note: I am unsure whether this is true, but it is still funny.
    At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."
    In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr Welch himself):
    If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:
    For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day.
    Every time they repainted the lines on the road you would have to buy a new car.
    Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.
    Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to more...

    The Flood

    Hot 3 years ago

    One day there was this preacher and he was having his usual sermon when all of a sudden it started raining, really, really, hard!!! After about 1 full hour of complete non-stop rain, they started making evacuations because the whole church was flooding, but the preacher just stood there in the ankle-deep water.
    A guy in a car came up to him and said. "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
    But the preacher just replied "Don't worry God will save me."
    The man then said "Whatever!" and drove away.
    The water was now knee-deep and a guy in a raft came over to the Preacher and said "Preacher, Preacher you better get in here before you drown!"
    Despite the second warning the Preacher just stood there and replied "Don't worry God will save me."
    The man then said "Whatever!!" and rowed away in the orange raft.
    The water was now waist-deep and a guy in a power boat came to the Preacher more...

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