Warn Jokes / Recent Jokes

The traveling salesman explained to the farmer that he, the salesman, had a full day ahead of himself and that he had a lengthy sales pitch to deliver, but that he was consumed with curiosity about the pig, with a wooden leg, walking around the yard.
"Why does that pig have a wooden leg?", he asked.
"Well", the farmer drawled, "One day I was plowin' up the south forty when that thar tractor hit a stump, reared up on me, rolled over and stuck me underneath. I yelled and I hollered, but nobody heered me -' cept for that pig! He jumped over the fence, ran' cross the field, put his shoulder to the tractor, and lifted it jist enough for me to wiggle free. If it warn't fer that pig, I reckon I'd be a dead man today!
"Oh, so the pig hurt his leg when he lifted the tractor", the salesman deducted.
"Nope.", said the farmer. "One night our house was afire and we didn't know it. But that pig! That pig jumped over the fence, more...

Tennessee The Educashun State
Dumb Tennessee Laws
You can`t shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
Hollow logs may not be sold.
Any person crippling, killing or in any way destroying a proud female dog that is running at large shall not be held liable for the damages due to such killing or destruction.
More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel.
It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish.
Crimes against nature" are prohibited.
Stealing a horse is punishible by hanging.
Driving is not to be done while asleep.
The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.
It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.
Dyersburg
It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date.
Fayette County
You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property.
Lenoir City
When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the more...

You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile. It is illegal to use a lasso to catch a fish. Driving is not to be done while asleep. It is legal to gather and consume road kill The age of consent is 16, but 12 if the girl is a virgin.Hollow logs may not be sold. More than 8 women may not live in the same house because that would constitute a brothel. Stealing a horse is punishable by hanging. Dyersburg: It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. Fayette County: You may not have more than five inoperable vehicles on a piece of property. Lenoir City: When you pull up to a stop sign you must fire a gun out the window to warn horse carriages that you are coming. Lexington: No one may eat ice cream on the sidewalk. Lexington: Spitting on the sidewalk is prohibited. Knoxville: In front of their buildings, all businesses must have a "hitching post." Memphis: Illegal for a woman to drive a car unless there is a man either running or walking in front of more...

The soldier had been in training for six weeks before he was finally given leave.
"Darling, "he wrote to his wife,' Til be arriving at the airport on Sunday. But let me warn you: You'd better reserve a hotel room nearby."
Just before he left, the soldier received this note from his wife: "Darling," it said, "I'll be there to meet you. But let me warn you: You'd better be the first guy off the plane."

A burglar broke into a house one night. He picked up a CD player to place in his sack and a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark, saying, "Jesus is watching you."

He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, clicked the light on, and began searching for more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, he heard, "Jesus is watching you."

Freaked out, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" he hissed at the parrot "Yep," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."

The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?"

"Moses," replied the bird. "Moses?" the burglar more...

Hey, everyone, listen up, your attention if you please.
We wanna give you a warning,
'Cause I found out this morning,
About a dangerous, insidious computer virus.
If you should get it, an email with the subject, 'stinky cheese',
Better off protecting your chances,
Under no circumstances, should you open it,
Or else it will...
Translate your documents into Swahili,
Make your TV record "Gigli",
Neuter your pets, and give you laundry static cling,
Look out!
It's gonna make your computer screen freeze,
Look out!
Erase the Easter eggs off your DVDs,
Look out!
Erase your hard drive and your backups too,
And the hard drive of anyone related to you!
Virus alert!
Delete immediately before someone gets hurt!
Forward this message on to everybody!
Soon, very soon, it will make all the paint peel off your walls,
It'll make your keyboard all sticky,
Give your poodle a hickey,
And invest your more...

Jesus moses god theif burgular Jokes A burglar crept into a huge, luxurious house one night. Shining his flashlight on the floor in the dark, he heard a voice saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He looked around nervously, shook his head, and kept looking for valuables. He again heard, "Jesus is watching you."
This time, he shone his light all over, and it finally rested on a parrot.
He asked, "Did you say that?" The parrot admitted that it had. "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar said, "Warn me, huh? Who are you? What's your name?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Well, what kind of stupid people would name a parrot' Moses'?"
The bird answered, "The same folks who would name a Rottweiler "Jesus'.!