Virgins Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Guide to Love and Sex for VirginsAs a young, modern virgin of the nineties, you no doubt have manyquestions concerning romance, love, even s.. e.. x. In this sensitive andfrank "question and answer" format, noted sex therapist Dr Ruth explainseverything you've ever wondered about. Q: Where can I find the man of my dreams? A: This is a difficult question, since every virgin probably has adifferent ideal of what their own personal Prince Charming should actand look like. However, when it comes to finding Mr Right, I can giveyou a good suggestion on where to start - and that's in a bar. That'sright, go to a bar... preferably the kind that smells of stale beer andlots of men crowded around watching a sports event on television. Pick aman that looks interesting - it's best to stay away from the shallow"pretty boys" in designer clothes with bulging muscles. Instead, Irecommend you pick somebody a little older and wiser, possiblyreassuring pot belly. Boldly approach more...
There were 2 old-maid sisters... both virgins. It's Friday night and Gladys looks at Betty and says, "I'm not going to die a virgin... I'm going out and I'm not coming home 'til I've been laid!!"Betty says, "Well, make sure you're home by 10 so I don't worry about you." 10 o'clock rolls around and there's no sign of Gladys... 11 o'clock...12 o'clock... Finally about 15 after 1 the front door flys open. In runs Gladys... straight to the bathroom.Betty goes and knocks on the door, "Are you okay, Gladys??" No answer, so she opens the door and there sits Gladys with her panties around her ankles, legs spread, and her head stuck between her legs looking at herself."What is it, Gladys??? What's wrong?" asks Betty."Betty, it was 10 inches long when it went in... and 5 when it came out. When I find the other half you're gonna have the time of your life!!!"
Off to Welfare recepients, virgins, postal workers, very large people, mild sexual content, etc, etc, etc.
The new Republican agenda calls for elimination of welfare payments for a third child. They're calling it "Three Tykes and You're Out".
While in Hawaii, President Clinton visited volcanoes. He really isn't interested in volcanoes, he was just looking for virgins.
Progress has been slow in the Postal Service contract talks. Postal strikes are forbidden by law, but that hasn't stopped workers from staging job actions such as delivering mail undamaged, on time and to the right address...
Speaking of the Post Office... The new Nixon stamp is different from other stamps. According to the postmaster, you'll be able to accuse the stamp of a cover up, you just won't be able to make it stick. In order to make the new Marilyn Monroe stamp stick, you have to lick it a bunch of times. Oddly enough, most guys don't seem to mind.
A Sellersville, Pa. woman who more...
Two Italian virgins get married and go on their honeymoon. However, they have no idea what there supposed to do once they get to their hotel room. The newlyweds decide to call his mother and get some advice on what to do.
The mother says that they should sit on the bed together and snuggle with each other and things should start to happen from there. The newlyweds start to do this but nothing else happens.
He calls his mother back to find out what to do next. She says they should take their clothes off, get under the covers in bed, and nature should takes its course. The bride and groom take his mother's advice but still nothing.
He calls his mother a third time. Getting frustrated with the situation she says, "Listen, just take the biggest thing you have and stick it in her hairiest thing!" and hangs up on him.
A few minutes later he reluctantly calls his mother back, "Well, I have my nose in her armpit. What do I do more...
Isn't it about time the US Army offered something of a comperable value to 72 Virgins?