Verandah Jokes

A few samples of bureaucratic wit of the days of British Raj.
The first is an entry made by an executive engineer in the visitors' book of a circuit house.
'The verandah of the Circuit House badly needs railings. During my momentary absence, a cow ate up some estimates which I had left lying on a table in the verandah.' Below this note was the commissioner's observation:' I find it hard to believe that even a cow could swallow PWD estimates.'
In another circuit house book another executive engineer had noted:' The washbasin should be immediately replaced. I could not wash my face properly for want of proper facilities.' Against this entry is a marginal note in the commissioner's beautiful hand:' SDO will replace the washbasin at once. The executive engineer had to wash his face in tears during his last visit to this station.'
The prize remark is against a complaint that the latrine was too far away from the bungalow.' He should have started earlier, 1 wrote the more...

Three men are standing at the gates to Heaven and the saint there says "I'm sorry guys but heaven's pretty full right now so unless your death was gruesome or unusual then you have to go down to Hell."
The first guy says "All right then. Well I suspected my wife of having an affair so one day I came home from work early and heard her moaning inside. I tried to break down the door I was so angry, but after a while I decided to use my keys. When I got in I searched the house for him but couldn't find him until I went out to the verandah for fresh air. Then I saw him clinging to the bottom railing.
"I was furious! I grabbed a hammer and started banging his fingers. He fell of into a bush so I threw the fridge on him.
"I had a weak heart and I died from the stress"
"Okay then you can go in."
The next guy says "Well I like to do push ups on my verandah every day but today it collapsed due to faulty building and I was more...