Vain Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man was working on a preacher's car in a garage and he was pushing hard on a wrench to loosen a nut and his hand slipped. He yelled "Goddamn it" and the preacher said, "Don't take the Lord's name in vain, say ‘Lord, help me, Lord help me.'
"My friend," said St. Peter to the recently deceased, "you did lead an exemplary life on earth - but there is one instance of your taking the name of The Lord in vain. Would you care to tell us about it?"
"I recall," replied the new applicant, "it was in 1965 on the last hole at Pinehurst. I only needed a par four to break 70 for the first time in my life."
"Was your drive good?" asked St. Peter, with increasing interest.
"Right down the middle. But when I got to my ball, it was plugged deep in a wet rut made by a drunk's golf cart."
"Oh dear," said St. Peter, "A real sucker! Is that when you..."
"No. I'm pretty good with a 3-iron. I played the ball close to my feet, caught the sweet spot and moved it right onto the green. But it bounced on a twig or something - it was a very windy day - and slid off the apron right under the steepest lip of the trap."
"What a more...
When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of heaven."Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in. You seethe big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin backin 1978 - You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game." "Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorryPeter, but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered. "Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy." So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God'soffice. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..." "So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain." "Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!" "OK. Try me, " replied the Lord. "Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, andI made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I couldjust make par on this hole. I made my shot from the tee, and more...
When the old golfer died, Peter met him at the gates of
heaven. "Sorry, old man," Peter said, "But I can't let you in.
You see the big book here says you committed one unpardonable sin
back in 1978 - You took the Lord's name in vain during a golf game."
"Oh, yes. I'll never forget that one, and I'm terribly sorry Peter,
but I can explain...", the old golfer blithered.
"Well," said Peter, "You'll have to take it up with The Big Guy."
So Peter led the old golfer down a long golden hallway, to God's
office. "We've got another code 6 here, sir! Says he can explain..."
"So," booms God, "You've been taking my name in vain."
"Only once, your Almighty, Sir. But I can explain!"
"OK. Try me, " replied the Lord.
"Well you see sir, I was playing my best game of golf ever, and I
made it to the 18th hole, and I'd win the tournament if I more...