Golfer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Amazing ball

    Hot 11 months ago

    A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when Banta, a salesman, runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
    The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
    "It's a special golf ball," says Banta. "You can never lose it!"
    "What do you mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"
    "No problem," says Banta. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
    "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
    "Easy," says Banta. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
    "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
    "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
    The golfer more...

    Golfing Competition

    Hot 6 years ago

    A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
    Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one fourth of your sex life?" Thinking that the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt.
    Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?" Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay," and makes an eagle.
    On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of more...

    Well Below Par

    Hot 3 years ago

    The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
    "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
    The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"
    "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, and then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as
    your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
    Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course Nicklaus was honored, and agreed to play. more...

    Golfer Pays His Respects

    Hot 5 years ago

    A golfer and his buddies where playing a big round of golf for $200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt to win the round, and the $200.
    As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took his hat off, placed it over his chest, and began to wait for the funeral procession to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned to lining up his putt.
    One of his buddies said, "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. I can't believe you stopped playing, possibly loosing your concentration, to pay your respects."
    "Well, we were married for 25 years!"

    Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!

    "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks.

    "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies the golfer.

    "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!"

    The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience.

    "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him.

    "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about more...

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