Golfer Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Amazing ball

    Hot 8 months ago

    A golfer, playing a round by himself, is about to tee off, when Banta, a salesman, runs up to him and yells, "Wait! Before you tee off, I have something really amazing to show you!"
    The golfer, annoyed, says, "What is it?"
    "It's a special golf ball," says Banta. "You can never lose it!"
    "What do you mean," scoffs the golfer, "you can never lose it? What if you hit it into the water?"
    "No problem," says Banta. "It floats, and it detects where the shore is, and spins towards it."
    "Well, what if you hit it into the woods?"
    "Easy," says Banta. "It emits a beeping sound, and you can find it with your eyes closed."
    "Okay," says the golfer, impressed. "But what if your round goes late and it gets dark?"
    "No problem, sir, this golf ball glows in the dark! I'm telling you, you can never lose this golf ball!"
    The golfer more...

    Golfing Competition

    Hot 6 years ago

    A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. "Boy, I'd give anything to sink this putt," the golfer mumbles to himself.
    Just then, a stranger walks up beside him and whispers, "Would you be willing to give up one fourth of your sex life?" Thinking that the man is crazy and his answer will be meaningless, the golfer also feels that maybe this is a good omen so he says, "Sure," and sinks the putt.
    Two holes later, he mumbles to himself again, "Gee, I sure would like to get an eagle on this one." The same stranger is at his side again and whispers, "Would it be worth giving up another fourth of your sex life?" Shrugging, the golfer replies, "Okay," and makes an eagle.
    On the final hole, the golfer needs another eagle to win. Without waiting for him to say anything, the stranger quickly moves to his side and says, "Would winning this match be worth giving up the rest of more...

    Well Below Par

    Hot 2 years ago

    The Pope met with his cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel.
    "Your Holiness," said one of the Cardinals, "Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
    The Pope thought it was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand, "Have we not," he asked, "a cardinal who can represent me against the leader of Israel?"
    "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal said. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a cardinal, and then ask him to play Benjamin Netanyahu as
    your personal representative. In addition to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
    Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course Nicklaus was honored, and agreed to play. more...

    Two guys are out one day golfing. One slices off to the right, one hooks off to the left and they both go to retrieve their balls. The guy on the right is hacking and hacking at the ball but just can't lift it out of the buttercups. It has become lodged in. All of a sudden, up from the ground comes Mother Nature and is she mad!

    "What the hell are you doing to my beautiful buttercups?" she asks.

    "I'm just trying to get my golf ball out of them, lady", replies the golfer.

    "Well, you are really making me mad. Just look what you've done to my buttercups. For this I must punish you. Your punishment will be an entire year without butter!!"

    The golfer starts laughing hysterically which by now has just about worn out Mother Nature's patience.

    "What in the hell do you think is so funny about no butter for a year?" she screams at him.

    "I'm not laughing about that - I'm laughing about more...

    Aliens

    Hot 4 years ago

    An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement. The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again. Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer. The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

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