Uzi Jokes

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats.

Q: What is the definition of an optimist?
A: An accordion player with a pager.

Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion?
A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds.

Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive?
A: Their personalities.

Q: What`s the range of an accordion?
A: Twenty yards if you`ve got a good arm!

Q: What`s a gentleman?
A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn`t.

Q: What`s the difference between an onion and an accordion?
A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion.

Q: What`s the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist?
A: Terrorists have sympathizers.

Q: What`s the definition of perfect pitch?
A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides.

Q: What`s the difference between an accordion and a concertina?
A: The more...

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an Uzi submachine gun? A: An Uzi only repeats 40 times.

Q: How many banjo players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Only one, but all the others gathered around will complain that that`s not the way Earl Scruggs would have done it.

Q: How can you tell the stage you`re playing on is level?
A: The banjo player is drooling out of both sides of his mouth.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Q: Why do so many fishermen own banjos?
A: They make great anchors!

Q: Why did the Boy Scout take up the banjo?
A: They make good paddles.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: A chain saw has a dynamic range.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a chain saw?
A: You can turn off a chainsaw.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a more...

An accordion is a bagpipe with pleats. Q: What is the definition of an optimist? A: An accordion player with a pager. Q: What is the difference between an Uzi and an accordion? A: The Uzi stops after 20 rounds. Q: What do accordion players use as a contraceptive? A: Their personalities. Q: What's the range of an accordion? A: Twenty yards if you've got a good arm! Q: What's a gentleman? A: Somebody who knows how to play the accordion, but doesn't. Q: What's the difference between an onion and an accordion? A: No-one cries when you chop up an accordion. Q: What's the difference between an accordion player and a terrorist? A: Terrorists have sympathisers. Q: What's the definition of perfect pitch? A: When an accordion is thrown down the toilet without it touching the sides. Q: What's the difference between an accordion and a concertina? A: The accordion takes longer to burn. Q: How do you protect a valuable instrument? A: Hide it in an accordion case. Q: What's an accordion good for? A: more...