Usa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Sung to the tune of "Day-O" (The Banana Boat Song)

Day-O... oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where you're hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA...
Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sam's pissed, he ain't no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home

Santa: Soch Raha Hu Ki USA Ghom Aaun.

Banta: Kitna Paisa Lagega?

Santa: Kuch B Nahi

Banta: Kaise?

Santa: Sochne K Liye Paise Nahi Lagte.

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom
fighters. They were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a
point, "Oh.. we`ll get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"
That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh
replied, "No problem! we`ll attack USA, it would
take over us and then we would be a state of USA and we`ll automatically get
developed." All the surds became happy at this very simple solution but
an old surd did not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he
wasn`t happy. The surd replied, "OH! THAT`S ALRIGHT BUT... WHAT WOULD
HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE TAKE OVER USA? ????"

Before you read this just imagin that you are in USA...
-------------------------------------------------------
I'm tired. For a couple of years I've been blaming it on my iron-poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting, and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason: I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of the USA is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.
There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to do the work.
Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 million to do the work.
Take from that total the 14, 800, 000 people who work for State and City government and that leaves 200, 000 to do the work.
There are 188, 000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12, 000 to do the work.
Now, there are 11, 998 people in Prisons. That leaves just two people to do the more...

Mr Boris Yeltsin, the President of Russia, Mr Bill Clinton, the President of USA, and Mr Ernesto Zedillo, the President of Mexico were together in France in a restaurant.
The captain, honoured by such distinguished presence, approached them and asked politicly,' Le aperitif?'
All of them answered,' Oui.'
He then proceeded to ask their preferences individually. Starting with His Excellency Ernesto Zedillo, he queried,' Le tequila?'
'Oui,' answered His Excellency.
The captain looked at Mr Boris Yeltsin, and asked,' Le vodka?'
'Oui,' answered the President of Russia.
Finally, the captain approached the President of USA and asked, lLe whisky?'
'Don't mention that b....,' reacted Bill Clinton sharply.

While the pope was visiting the USA, he told the driver of his limo that he has the sudden urge to drive. The driver was a good Catholic man, and would not ever dream of questioning the pope's authority. So the pope sat at the wheel, while his driver got in the back.

They were traveling down the road doing between 70 and 80 mph, when a policeman happened to see them. As he pulled them over, he called in to headquarters reporting a speeding limo, with a VIP inside it.

The chief asked: "Who is in the limo, the mayor?"
The policeman told him: "No, someone more important than the mayor."

Then the chief asked "Is it the governor?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone more important than the governor."

The chief finally asked: "Is it the President?"
The policeman answered: "No, someone even more important than the President."

This made the chief very angry and he more...

To be sung to the tune of "Day-O (The Banana Boat Song)"
Day-O... oh Day-O,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Run Mr Taliban, we know where you`re hiding,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Hey USA, USA, USA...
Air force come and they flatten you home
60ft, 70ft, 80ft craters,
Air force come and they flatten your home
Old Uncle Sam`s pissed, he ain`t no quitter,
Air force come and they flatten your home
When we finish you all be crying,
Air force come and they flatten your home,
Pilot is brother of New York fireman
Air force come and they flatten your home