Usa Jokes / Recent Jokes

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie....

1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow?(UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street?(USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney- can Ifollow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.. .

4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)
A: So its true what they say about Swedes.

5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise.(Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in more...

Why is the time in the USA behind that of England? Because England was discovered before the USA!

Jim was strolling down the street in Chicago where he came across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it vigorously, and out popped a genie. The genie offered to grant him one wish, to which the guy replied, "I've always wanted to be lucky." The genie granted his wish.

So off the guy strolled, wondering how this would change his life, when he saw ten dollars on the sidewalk. Not a bad start, he thought. As he picked it up, he noticed a betting shop across the road. He strolled over, looked through the racing lists, and saw a horse named Lucky Lad at 100/1 in the 4th at the Meadowlands.

He put the 10 dollars on the horse to win, and as luck would have it, the horse bolted in. Feeling on a bit of a roll, he headed to the local illegal casino, went up to the roulette table and put the entire $1010 on "Lucky seven!" Round and round the wheel spun. .. and. .. Lucky Seven. Now his head was spinning. It was all too much to take in. He decided to more...

George Bush goes to a primary school to give a speech.
After his talk he offers question time.
One little boy puts up his hand and George asks him what his name is. "Bob".
"And what is your question, Bob?"
"I have 3 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you President when Kerry got more votes?
And third, What happened to Osama Bin Laden?
Just then the bell rings for recess. George Bush informs the kiddies that they will continue after recess.
When they resume George says, "OK, where were we?
Oh that's right
- question time. Who has a question?"
A different little boy puts up his hand. George points him out and asks him what his name is. "Steve"
"And what is your question, Steve?"
"I have 5 questions.
First, Why did the USA invade Iraq without the support of the UN?
Second, Why are you more...