Unless Jokes

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    Tips for Moving South...Yee-Haw!
    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.
    2. If you forget a Southerner's name, refer to him (or her) as "Bubba". You have a 75% chance of being right.
    3. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    4. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.
    5. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store.
    6. Do not buy food at the movie store.
    7. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    8. Remember: "Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    9. There is nothing sillier than a Northerner imitating a more...

    All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
    If being chased through town, you can usually take cover
    in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the
    year.
    All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach
    up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level
    on the man lying beside her.
    All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick
    of French Bread.
    It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is
    someone in the control tower to talk you down.
    Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while
    scuba diving.
    The ventilation system of any building is the perfect
    hiding place. No one will ever think of looking for you in
    there and you can travel to any other part of the building
    you want without difficulty.
    If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more
    ammunition, even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
    You're very likely to survive any more...

    Rules of the South

    Hot 5 years ago

    1. Save all manner of bacon grease. If it can't be fried in bacon grease, it ain't worth cooking, let alone eating.
    2. Just because one can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can't stay home the two days of the year it snows.
    3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four-wheel-drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be along shortly. Note: Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way: This is what they live for.
    4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and fishing bait in the same store.
    5. Remember: "Y'all" is singular.
    6. "All y'all" is plural. "All y'all's" is plural possessive.
    7. There is nothing sillier than a northerner imitating a Southern accent, unless it is a Southerner imitating a Boston accent.
    8. People walk slower here.
    9. Don't be worried that you don't understand anyone. They don't understand you either.
    10. The first Southern expression to more...

    Real Programmers

    Hot 3 years ago

    Real programmers don't eat quiche. Real programmers don't even know how to spell
    Quiche. They like Twinkies, Coke, and palate-scorching Szechwan food.
    Real programmers don't write application programs. They program right down to the bare
    metal.
    Application programs are for dullards who can't do system programming.
    Real programmers don't write specs. Users should be grateful for whatever they get.
    They are lucky to get any program at all.
    Real programmers don't comment their code. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to
    understand and even harder to modify.
    Real programmers don't draw flowcharts. Flowcharts are, after all, the illiterate's form of documentation. Cavemen drew flowcharts; look how much it did for them.
    Real programmers don't read manuals. Reliance on a reference is a hallmark of the
    novice and the coward.
    Real programmers don't use Cobol. Cobol is for wimpy application programmers.
    Real programmers don't use more...

    In Kingsville, Texas, there is a law against two pigs having sex on the city's airport property.
    It is illegal for hens to lay eggs before 8 am and after 4 pm in Norfolk, Virginia.
    Ducks quacking after 10 pm in Essex Falls, New Jersey are breaking the law.
    In Quitman, Georgia, it is against the law for a chicken to cross any road within the city limits.
    In McDonald, Ohio, farmers cannot march a goose down a city street. And fowl, particularly roosters, are prohibited from going into bakeries in Massachusetts.
    In Kansas, it is illegal for chicken thieves to work during daylight hours.
    In New York, frogs may be taken from their ponds from June 16 to September 30, but only between sunrise and sunset.
    In Pennsylvania, no one is allowed to shoot bullfrogs on a Sunday.
    In Arizona, the bullfrog-hunting season is permanently closed.
    In Vermont, you can be fined if your pig runs in a public park without the permission of a selectman.
    French Lick Springs, more...

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