Umpire Jokes / Recent Jokes

In a tense game, a batsman was given run out, a decision with which he obviously disagreed. He paced up and down outside the pavilion until the umpires came in.

'I wasn't out, you know,' he said to the umpire.

'Oh no? Look in the paper tomorrow!' said the umpire.

Later on in the same match a lot of wides were being bowled, but it was obvious that the umpire didn't know that anything was wrong.

After a particularly wide delivery, the exasperated batsman said,' Surely that was a wide!'

The umpire nodded sagely.' Arr,' he said,' I don t think I ever saw one wider!'

During the match, the fieldsman positioned just behind the umpire kept trying to distract the batsman as the ball was bowled to him. Several appeals for L. B. W were turned down, and finally the umpire turned to the fieldsman and said sternly:

"I've been watching you for the last twenty minutes."

"I thought so," came the reply, "I could tell you weren't watching the game!"

The stonewaller had been at the crease for two hours and had scored one run. It finally got too much for the umpire. He raised his finger and said:

'Out'.

'What for?' said the batsman.

'Loitering with intent,' answered the umpire.

In the absence of their regular umpire, the village team was making do with a local farmer, who knew nothing of the rules. After the third ball of the over, the entire field turned round with a tremendous yell of' Owzat!'

The umpire paused.' Well, how would I know?' he said.' His leg was in the way! '

The umpire had been hard on the bowler, no-balling him and turning down his every appeal.

'By the way,' asked the bowler,' how do you spell your name?'

'Britton,' said the umpire,' B-r-i-t-t-o-n.'

'Just as I thought,' murmured the bowler,' only one' I'! '

They were short of an umpire for the village game and the local butcher was taking his place. The bowler ran up and sent down a perfectly pitched ball that caught the batsman plumb l. b. w.

'Owzat!' he shouted.

The butcher beamed with pleasure.' Bloody marvellous!'