Australian Rules Jokes

It was the day of the grand final when officals took a call from one of the members gatekeepers. "There are two life-members here. They are close friends of one of the umpires and they have lost their tickets."
"Throw them out," said the executive. "They are liars. Whoever heard of an umpire having two friends."

On a crowded tram going to the football game the fan resplendent in black and white colours had a large magpie tucked under his arm.
Sitting directly opposite, at face level with the magpie, was an old codger flaunting a scarf in the opposing team's colours. "They won't let you take a pig into the ground ya know," he said loudly
"It's not a pig, it's a magpie ya dick head," said the fan in the black and white scarf.
"I wasn't talking to you," said the old codger.