Twist Jokes

A woman goes in to have a facelift. Theres a new one called the knob. It goes in the back of your head, and you twist it to lift up your features. She has it done, and a year later she goes in to see the doctor. She says to him: This is wonderful, whenever I feel old I just twist it and it pulls everything up. Theres a problem though Ive got these terrible bags under my eyes and the knob seems to make it worse and not better.
The doctor looks at her and thinks for a minute, then says:They arent bags - Theyre your breasts!
The woman says:Oh right. That explains the goatee then!

I give you now Professor Twist
A conscientious scientist.
Trustees exclaimed, "He never bungles!"
And sent him off to distant jungles.
Camped on a tropic riverside,
One day his missed his loving bride.
She had, the guide informed him later,
Been eaten by an alligator.
Professor Twist could not but smile.
"You mean," he said, "a crocodile."
by Ogden Nash

Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist? "
Great Expectations "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"