Dickens Jokes

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    Nay, Fair Maid

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    [Noted in HARVARD MAGAZINE, September/October 1990.]
    Conservative Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair
    in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally
    ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of.
    A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his
    photograph, and signed, after her name, "(Horseface)."
    Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture
    autographed, "To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens."
    Some time later his secretary asked him, "Did you get that letter from the
    woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which
    one she was."

    Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
    The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
    Make a Sentence "Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:
    ''Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!''

    Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
    The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
    Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
    Dickens and the Martini "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, "Olive or twist? "
    Great Expectations "Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
    The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?"

    A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The first of the twosome Teed Off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
    Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in evident agony.
    The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize. She then explained that she was a physical therapist: "Please allow me to help. I'm a physical therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd just allow me!" she told him earnestly.
    "Ummph, oooh, nnoo, I'll be all right.... I'll be fine in a few minutes," he replied breathlessly as he remained in a fetal position still clasping his hands together at his crotch.
    But she persisted, and he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside, more...

    Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini. The bartender asks, “Olive or twist? ”

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