Charles Dickens walks into a bar and orders a martini.
The bartender asks, "Olive or twist?" bar, drinking
Make a Sentence "Children were called upon in a classroom to make sentences with words chosen by the teacher. The teacher smiled when Jack raised his hand to participate. She gave him the words 'defeat,' 'deduct,' 'defense,' and 'detail.' Jack stood seriously for a while with all eyes focused on him awaiting his reply:
''Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!''
A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial -it went like this: Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?
A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.
Q: Officer, who provided this description?
A: The officer who responded to the scene.
Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?
A: Yes sir, with my life.
Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer-do you have a locker room in the police station-a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?
A: Yes sir, we do.
Q: And do you have a locker in that room?
A: Yes sir, I do.
Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?
A: Yes sir.
Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those more...
"I have good news and bad news," the defense lawyer says to his client." "What's the bad news?" The lawyer says, "Your blood matches the DNA found at the murder scene."
"Dammit!" cries the client. "What's the good news?" "Well," the lawyer says, "Your cholesterol is down to 140."
> > > A small town prosecuting attorney called his first > > > witness to the stand in > > > a trial - a grandmotherly, elderly woman. He > > > approached her and asked, "Ms. > > > Jones, do you know me? > > > "She responded, "Why, yes, I do know you Mr. > > > Williams. I've known you since > > > you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big > > > disappointment to me. > > > You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate > > > people and talk about > > > them behind their backs. You think you're a rising > > > big shot when you > > > haven't the brains to realize you never will amount > > > to anything more than a > > > two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."
> > > > > > The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, > > > he pointed across the > > > room and asked, "Ms. Williams, do you know the > > > defense attorney?"
She > > > again replied, "Why, yes I do. I've known Mr. > > > Bradley since he was a > > > youngster, more...
A blonde was summoned to court to appear as a witness in a lawsuit. The prosecutor opened his questioning with, "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
"Objection!" said the defense attorney. "Irrelevant!"
"Oh, that's okay," said the blonde from the witness stand. "I don't mind answering the question."
"I object!" the defense said again.
"No, really," said the blonde. "I'll answer."
The judge ruled: "If the witness insists on answering, there is no reason for the defense to object."
So the prosecutor repeated the question: "Where were you the night of August 24th?"
The blonde replied brightly, "I don't know."