Tractor Jokes

What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor?
"Where's my tractor!"

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Iowa He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The attorney responded, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field, and now I'm going in to retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here. "The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S.; and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own. " The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Iowa. We settle small disagreements like this with the Iowa Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is this three-kick Rule? "The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until more...

Air Force One crashed in the middle of rural America. Panic stricken, the Secret Service mobilized and descended on the farm in force. When they got there, the wreckage was clear. The aircraft was totally destroyed, with only a burned hulk left smoldering in a tree line that bordered a farm.

The Secret Service descended upon the smoking hulk, but could find no remains of the crew or the President's staff. To their amazement, a lone farmer was plowing a field not too far away as if nothing at all happened. They hurried over to surround the man's tractor.

"Sir," the senior Secret Service agent asked, panting and out of breath.

"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did." The man muttered, unconcernedly.

"Do you realize that is the President of the United States airplane?"

"Yep."

"Were there any survivors?" the agent gasped.

"Nope. more...

A farmer drives across his field one day in his tractor, when half ways across the field the tractor breaks down. "Damn it" he said.

He sees his wife in the farm yard feeding the chickens, he catches her attention and shouts to her and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix the engine in his tractor.

His wife cannot hear him and raises her arms in the air to indicate this. The farmers shouts over again louder this time and signals with his hand that he needs a pair of pliers to fix his tractor.

This carries on for a while with the farmer and his wife until eventually she makes out what he is saying.

As soon as she realized what he was saying she signaled back. She put both hands on her breasts, then on her crotch and then on her backside.

The farmer looked at her with a very puzzled stare, he couldn't believe what she was doing. His wife repeated this over and over until eventually the farmer gave up more...

Did you here about the new tractor Reagan designed for farmers?
It has no seat or steering wheel.
It's meant for the farmer that lost his ass and doesn't know
which direction he's going.
Wendell Wilcox