Tractor Jokes / Recent Jokes

As a young boy, Joe was completely obsessed with tractors. He had pictures of tractors all over his bedroom walls; he had tractor toys, tractor T-shirts, a tractor carpet, and duvet cover, the whole works. He ate, drank and slept tractors.

On his 17th birthday he was thrilled to get an invitation to go to a tractor factory nearby and test-drive a brand new tractor. His excitement was incredible as he told his family and friends.

The great day came and he went to the factory for the test-drive. Unfortunately something went terribly wrong with the tractor when Joe was driving it and it flipped over, trapping and breaking Joe's leg and fracturing his skull. He was so upset and tried to sue the tractor company for negligence.

But the company would have none of it and told him there was no liability and he could get lost!

You can imagine he was rather p****d off with tractors after this and vowed to shed them from his life completely and forever. more...

A preacher visiting his flock in the country happens to see a pig walking around on 3 legs. The preacher stopped by and asked the farmer. My son, what's with your pig with only 3 legs?
Well preacher says the farmer, this pig is very special to my family and me, well just 2 months ago, I'm working underneath my tractor, the jack fell and the tractor was crushing me. I yelled and my pig rushed to my rescue, dug me out and pulled me away from the tractor.
Well that's very commentable says the preacher..but..
That's not all preacher, last week my house caught fire and my pig pulled my 2 young daughters to safety. It even received a hero gold ribbon, from the village mayor.
I understand says the preacher, but that still doesn't explain the missing leg!
Well like I said preacher, this pig is very special to my family and well, we just cannot bring ourselves to eat it all at once.

A big city lawyer went duck hunting in rural Tennessee. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the bird, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.
The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."
The old farmer looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."
The lawyer huffed angrily, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the country. If you don't let me get my duck, I'll sue you."
The old farmer smiled. "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Tennessee. We settle small disagreements like this with the Tennessee Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What's the Tennessee Three Kick Rule?"
The Farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you more...

What does a caterpillar do on New Years Day? Turns over a new leaf! What is the definition of a caterpillar? A worm in a fur coat! What has stripes and pulls a tractor? A caterpillar tractor! What does a cat go to sleep on? A caterpillow! What's green and dangerous? A caterpillar with a machine gun! What pillar doesn't need holding up? A caterpillar!

If a farmer was only able to choose between buying a cow or a tractor, what should he pick. On one hand, he would look funny riding on a cow. On the other hand, he would look funnier trying to milk a tractor

Farmer John had just walked into the local watering hole, when who should he see, but his old friend Chris the tractor salesman sitting up at the bar. Chris looked so down and dejected, that John just had to go up and say something to him. "Say, Chris, how ya doing? How's the tractor selling business these days?" If Chris had looked sad before, at the mention of tractor sales, his face sank even more, and a tear came to his eye. "John," he said, shaking his head, "I don't know what it is. I can't sell a tractor these days to save my life. I'll tell you, I just gotta sell one tractor and soon, or else I'll lose that dealership for good." "Well," John said, taking the barstool next to him, "If you think you got it bad, I got it worse. Now you listen to this...." "I went out to the barn the other morning to milk Bessy. That ol' cow gets more ornery as the years go by. Anyway, no sooner did I sit down on the milking stool and get to more...

A big-city California lawyer went duck hunting in rural Texas. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing. The litigator responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."

The old farmer replied, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The indignant lawyer said, "I am one of the best trial attorneys in the U. S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you own."

The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things in Texas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Texas Three-Kick-Rule."

The lawyer asked, What is the Texas Three-Kick-Rule?."

The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and then more...