Thread Jokes

I saw this used on another list - of course it would be inappropriate to actually use it here but enjoy it all the same.
-Mark
Dear
sir
clueless one
twit
great man on campus
madam
dweeb
twerp
comrade
Elvis
moon beam
boor
Obergruppenfuehrer
citoyen
Geek
grad student
cur
You are being gently flamed because.
you continued a boring useless stupid thread
you repeatedly posted to the same thread that you just posted to
you repeatedly initiated incoherent, flaky, and mindless threads
you posted a piece riddled with profanities
you advocated Net censorship
you SCREAMED! (used all caps)
you posted some sort of crap that doesn't belong in this group
you posted the inanely stupid 'Make Money Fast' article
you threatened others with physical harm
you made a bigoted statement(s)
you repeatedly assumed unwarranted moral or intellectual superiority
you are under the more...

Little Johnny was playing outside in the garden one day when he pulled a worm from it's wormhole. Johnny's grandfather, who had seen the whole incident approached Johnny with a devious grin upon his face. He placed a $10 bet with Johnny that Johnny wouldn't be able to put the wriggly worm back into it's hole. Johnny gleefuly accepted the wager and proceeded to the house with the worm in his hand. It wasn't long until Johnny came back from inside the house and carefully threaded the worm back into it's hole. His grandfather gazed in awe at this amazing feat and told Johnny that he would give him the $10 if Johnny explained to him exactly how he managed to thread the worm back into it's hole. Johnny proceeded to tell his grandfather about how he sneaked into his sister's room and covered the worm with his sisters hair spray until the worm was rock hard so that he could simply thread the worm back into it's hole. His grandfather duly honoured his word and handed the money over to Johnny. more...

Technical talk is often difficult to understand by people not initiated in the technical arts. Listed below are some terms that are used commonly by technicians, and an explanation of what they actually mean:

STUFFED. ..
A description of an item of equipment indicating that it does not work quite as well as when it was new. This situation is not expected to change in the near future.

FUCKED. ..
Terminally stuffed.

FUCK ME DEAD. ..
A technical expression meaning that after you have totally stripped an assembly you didn't really need to, you have read the manual to discover a major warning in bold type saying never to touch that part under any circumstances whatsoever, as it requires factory (overseas) realignment.

FUCK IT ALL. ..
An expression that follows the tinging sound of a miniature spring or circlip bouncing off something on the other side of the room. Unfortunately, you didn't see where it came from, where it went more...