Therefore Jokes / Recent Jokes
If Noah had lived in the United States today the story may have gone something like this: And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. But I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark." In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the ark. "Remember," said the Lord, "you must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year." Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah!" He shouted. "Where is the Ark?" "Lord, please forgive me," cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a more...
For all those serious Maths buffs... lemmas and theorems!
1. Lemma: All horses are of the same colour.
Proof (by induction):
Case n=1: In a set with only one horse, it is obvious that all horses in that set are the same colour.
Case n=k: Suppose you have a set of k+1 horses. Pull one of these horses out of the set, so that you have k horses. Suppose that all of these horses are the same colour. Now put back the horse that you took out, and pull out a different one. Suppose that all of the k horses now in the set are the same colour. Then the set of k+1 horses are all the same colour. We have k true => k+1 true; therefore all horses are of the same color.
2. Theorem: All horses have an infinite number of legs.
Proof (by intimidation):
Everyone would agree that all horses have an even number of legs. It is also well-known that horses have forelegs in front and two legs in back. 4 + 2 = 6 legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse to have! Now more...
I do not think -- therefore I am not. Here is the illustration of this principle:
One evening Rene Descartes went to relax at a local tavern. The tender approached and said, "Ah, good evening Monsieur Descartes! Shall I serve you the usual drink?".Descartes replied, "I think not.", and promptly vanished.
UPDATED EMPLOYEE HANDBOOK
DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers, and carrying a $600 Gucci Bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress in-between, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
SICK DAYS
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
PERSONAL DAYS
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.
BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases more...
What will happen if the Government of India decides to become a commercial film financier, say of' Mahabharat'? Read on.... Government of India Ministry of Human Resources Development Department of Culture Films Division No. B1452/234/2003 Dt. 15. 5. 03To: Shri. B. R. Chopra, Film Director, Mumbai Ref: Your letter dt. 2. 12. 90 regarding financing of films by Govt ofIndia -story submitted by you - namely,' Mahabharat' The undersigned is directed to refer the above letter and state that the Government has examined your proposal for financing a filmCalled' 'Mahabharat'. The Very High Level Committee constituted for this purpose has been in consultation with the Human Rights Commission, National Commission for Women and Labour Commission, in addition to various Ministries and State Governments, and have formed definitive opinionsAbout the script. Their observations are as below: 1. In the script submitted by you it was shown that there were two setsof cousins, namely, the Kauravas more...
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a priest and asks for his opinion on this question.After consulting the Bible, the priest says, " My son, after an exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is therefore not permitted on Sundays."The man thinks: " What does a priest know about sex?" So he goes to a minister, who after all is a married man and experienced in this matter. He queries the minister and receives the same reply. Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath! Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate authority: a man of thousands of years tradition and knowledge. In other words, he goes to a rabbi. The Rabbi ponders the question, then states, " My son, sex is definitely play."The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when so many others tell me sex is work?"The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work, my wife would have the more...
For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expression. Here are some favorites. Harlez-vous fran硩 s? CAN YOU DRIVE A FRENCH MOTOCYCLE? Cogito Eggo Sum. I THINK; THEREFORE I AM A WAFFLE. Rigor morris. THE CAT IS DEAD. Repondez-vous s'il vous plaid. HONK IF YOU'RE SCOTTISH. Que sera serf. LIFE IS FEUDAL. Posh mortem. DEATH STYLES OF THE RICH AND FAMOUS. Pro Bozo publicoSUPPORT YOUR LOCAL CLOWN. Ap賠 Moe le deluge. LARRY AND MOE GOT WET. Haste cuisine. FAST FRENCH FOOD. Veni, vidi, vice. I CAME, I SAW, I PARTIED. Mazel ton. TONS OF LUCK. Aloha oy. LOVE; GREETINGS; FAREWELL; FROM SUCH A PAIN YOU SHOULD NEVER KNOW. Visa la France. DON'T LEAVE YOUR CHATEAU WITHOUT IT. L'鴡 t, c'est moo. I'M BOSSY AROUND HERE. Cogito, ergo spud. I THINK, THEREFORE I YAM.(OK, more than 1 letter.) Veni, vidi, velcroI CAME, I SAW, I STUCK more...