Effective Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Top reason for sleep

    Hot 4 years ago

    "Oh, Man! Come in at 6 in the morning and look what happens!"
    "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
    "This is in exchange for the six hours last night when I dreamed about work!"
    "Gee, I thought you (the boss) were gone for the day."
    "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
    "Oh, Hi, I was trying to pick up my contact lens without my hands."
    "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in the last time management course you sent me to."
    "Whew! Guess I left the top off the liquid paper"
    "I was just meditating on the mission statement and envisioning a new paradigm!"
    "This is one of the seven habits of highly effective people!"
    "I was testing the keyboard for drool resistance"
    "It worked well for Reagan, didn't it?"
    "Just pacing myself for the all-nighter more...

    Casual day memos

    Hot 6 years ago

    Memo No. 1:
    Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
    Memo No. 2:
    Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
    Memo No. 3:
    Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
    Memo No. 4:
    A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p.m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
    Memo No. 5:
    As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, a 14-member Casual Day Task Force has been appointed to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
    Memo No. 6:
    The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are What You Wear" and consult the more...

    CASUAL DAY

    Hot 2 years ago

    Memo No. 1:
    Effective immediately, the company is adopting Fridays as Casual Day so that employees may express their diversity.
    Memo No. 2:
    Spandex and leather micro-miniskirts are not appropriate attire for Casual Day. Neither are string ties, rodeo belt buckles or moccasins.
    Memo No. 3:
    Casual Day refers to dress only, not attitude. When planning Friday's wardrobe, remember image is a key to our success.
    Memo No. 4:
    A seminar on how to dress for Casual Day will be held at 4 p. m. Friday in the cafeteria. Fashion show to follow. Attendance is mandatory.
    Memo No. 5:
    As an outgrowth of Friday's seminar, the Committee On Committee's has appointed a 14-member Casual Day Task Force to prepare guidelines for proper dress.
    Memo No. 6:
    The Casual Day Task Force has completed a 30-page manual. A copy of "Relaxing Dress Without Relaxing Company Standards" has been mailed to each employee. Please review the chapter "You Are more...

    Are you bewildered by the fluctuations in the stock market. If so, you are not alone. The answer is really simple. The market has nothing to do with the profitability of a firm. It has only to do with the expectations of investors as to what future profitability might be.
    Take the meteoric rise and abrupt fall in Merck stock recently. As you probably know Merck is an old established chemical and drug company which has always been profitable. They are a leader in cardiac (Vasotec, Hydrodiuril) and arthritic (Decadron, Indocin) drugs. Their growth has been stabile but not spectacular. So why the sudden changes in their stock.
    Well, it seems that Merck researchers have developed a breakthrough drug in the treatment of depression, especially effective in the depression common in adolescent women. This new drug, dihydromethylfluxotine or the brand name proposed, Ufouria, has been undergoing extensive double blind studies in the United States and Sweden and preliminary reports more...

    Due to budget constraints, the following corporate policies are announced regarding employees traveling on official business. The policies are effective immediately.
    Transportation: Hitchhiking in lieu of commercial transportation is strictly encouraged. Luminescent safety vests will be issued to all employees prior to their departure on company business trips. Bus service will be another prime method of transportation. Airline tickets will only be authorized for purchase in extreme circumstances, and only the lower fares will be used. If, for example, a meeting is scheduled in Seattle, but a lower fare can be obtained by traveling to Detroit, then travel to Detroit will be substituted for travel to Seattle.
    Lodging: All employees are encouraged to stay with relatives or friends while on company business. If weather permits, public areas such as parks and parking lots should be used as temporary lodging. Bridges may provide shelter in periods of inclement weather.
    Meals: more...

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