Testing Jokes / Recent Jokes
THE LAST WORD
The Ultimate Scientific Dictionary
Activation Energy: The useful quantity of energy available in one cup of coffee.
Atomic Theory: A mythological explanation of the nature of matter, first proposed by the ancient Greeks, and now thoroughly discredited by modern computer simulation. Attempts to verify the theory by modern computer simulation have failed. Instead, it has been demonstrated repeatedly that computer outputs depend upon the color of the programmer's eyes, or occasionally upon the month of his or her birth. This apparent astrological connection, at last, vindicates the alchemist's view of astrology as the mother of all science.
Bacon, Roger: An English friar who dabbled in science and made experimentation fashionable. Bacon was the first science popularizer to make it big on the banquet and talk-show circuit, and his books even outsold the fad diets of the period.
Biological Science: A contradiction in more...
German scientists have been testing an "anti-stupidity" pill. If it works they should administer it to the people that gave them the grant to do the testing and to anyone that appears on "The Maury Povich Show."
A policeman was testing 3 brothers who were training to become detectives.
To test their skills in recognizing a suspect, he shows the first one a picture for 5 seconds and then hides it. "This is your suspect, how would you recognize him?"
The first one answers, "That`s easy; we`ll catch him fast because he only has one eye!" The policeman says, "Well... uh... that`s because the picture I showed is his side profile."
Slightly flustered by this ridiculous response, he flashes the picture for 5 seconds at the second one and asks him, "This is your suspect, and how would you recognize him?"
The second one smiles and says, "Ha! He`d be too easy to catch because he only has one ear!" The policeman angrily responds,
"What`s the matter with you two? Of course only one eye and one ear are showing because it`s a picture of his side profile! Is that the best answer you can come up more...
The National Institute of Health (NIH) announced a new standard for medical testing.
Testing on rats will be terminated, and in the future live animal testing will be performed using lawyers. The NIH presented the following explanation for its decision:
Some lab assistants were becoming quite attached to their rats, and it was important to find an alternative which would not inspire emotional involvment.
The population of attorneys grows at a faster rate than the population of rats.
Lawyers contribute less to society, and thus are more expendable than rats.
Animal rights societies do not oppose experimentation on lawyers.
There are some things even a rat won't do.
The NIH is trying to resolve concerns raised by this change, that using lawyers for testing may render it more difficult to extrapolate test results to human beings.
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing.
They borrowed the FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer's chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: "Use a thawed chicken."
Programmer at this retail chain gets an assignment to add some functionality to four reporting applications. One change request is to add passwords to one of the four applications -- but just one.
"Just doing one sounded suspicious to me," says the programmer. "So I decided to code the password logic in a separate module for easy reuse. I only had to add one line of code to the existing executable."
Fast-forward six months: The new versions are installed in a handful of stores for beta testing before they'll roll out to 1, 000 stores nationwide. Programmer's boss drops by his cubicle to tell him that the users like the password function, but they wanted it on all four applications. How long would it take to add it to the other three?
He calculates: add one line of code, compile, do some testing. That's maybe a few hours' work if everything goes as planned -- which it seldom does.
"Two days," he tells his boss.
She's skeptical. more...
It seems the US Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane’s windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies.
The theory is that if the windshield doesn’t crack from the carcass impact, it’ll survive a real collision with a bird during flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they’re developing.
They borrowed the FAA’s chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, went through the engineer’s chair, broke an instrument panel and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly.
The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: “Use a thawed chicken. ”