Tested Jokes / Recent Jokes

Have you ever noticed girls who sit their handbags on public toilet floors - then go directly to their dining tables and set it on the table? Happens a lot! It's not always the' restaurant food' that causes stomach distress. Sometimes "what you don't know' will' hurt you"! Read on... Mum got so upset when guests came in the door and plopped their handbags down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up food. She always said that handbags are really dirty, because of where they have been. Smart Mum!!! It's something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know what's inside our handbags, do you have any idea what's on the outside?
Shauna Lake put handbags to the test - for bacteria - with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your handbag. Women carry handbags everywhere; from the office to public toilets to the floor of the car. Most women won't be caught without their handbags, but did you ever stop to think about where your more...

Seems this elderly couple went to the clinic and asked to be tested for HIV. When the counselor asked why they felt that they should be tested at their age, the old man said, "Well, we heard on TV that people should be tested after annual sex!"

Comments made by Programmers when their programs dont work: Strange... Ive never heard about that. It did work yesterday. Well, the program needs some fixing. How is this possible? The machine seems to be broken. Has the operating system been updated? The user has made an error again. There is something wrong in your test data. I have not touched that module! Yes yes, it will be ready in time. You must have the wrong executable. Oh, its just a feature. Im almost ready. Of course, I just have to do these small fixes. It will be done in no time at all. Its just some unlucky coincidence. I cant test everything! THIS cant do THAT. Didnt I fix it already? Its already there, but it has not been tested. It works, but its not been tested. Somebody must have changed my code. There must be a virus in the application software. Even though i t does not work, how does it feel? How come you didnt find it during the system testing? Its a setup problem. And the Ultimate: A smart user would never do more...

'Twas the night before implementation
and all through the house,
not a system was working,
not even a mouse.
The programmers hung by their tubes in dispair,
in hopes that a miracle soon would be there.
The users were nestled all snug in their beds,
while visions of transactions danced in their heads.
When out of the ADC came such a clatter,
I sprang from my desk to see what was the matter.
And what to my wondering eyes should appear,
but a guru programmer (with a sixpack of beer).
His resume glowed with experience so rare,
and he turned out great code with a bit-pusher's flair.
More rapid than eagles, his programs they came,
as he whistled and shouted and called them by name:
On Update! On Inquiry! On Add! On Delete!
On Batch Jobs! On Closing! On Functions Complete!
His eyes were glazed-over; fingers nimble and lean,
from weekends and nights in front of a screen.
A wink of his eye, and a twist of his more...

When cosmetic products state "Not Tested on Animals" on the label, does it mean that that has not been tested at all, in which case the consumers are the "Guinea Pigs", or does it mean that they tested it on a select group of animal rights activists who chose to substitute for the animals?
Hmmmmmmmm

Chuck Norris' sperm can be seen with the naked eye. Each one is the size of a quarter.
After taking a steroids test doctors informed Chuck Norris that he had tested positive. He laughed upon receiving this information, and said, "Of course my urine tested positive, what do you think they make steroids from?"
Chuck Norris doesn't daydream. He's too busy giving other people nightmares.
When Arnold says the line "I'll be back" in the first Terminator movie it is implied that is he going to ask Chuck Norris for help.
There are no such things as tornados. Chuck Norris just hates trailer parks.
Chuck Norris' penis is a third degree blackbelt, and an honorable 32nd-degree mason.
Chuck Norris does not follow fashion trends, they follow him. But then he turns around and kicks their ass. Nobody follows Chuck Norris.
The phrase 'break a leg' was originally coined by Chuck Norris's co-stars in Walker, Texas Ranger as a good luck charm indicating more...