Terrorism Jokes / Recent Jokes

"Good Afternoon, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Northwest Flight 571, service to Los Angeles continuing on to San Diego.I am your chief purser and Captain Vinod Devasia is in control of this flight. Before we take off, we'd like to acquaint you with some of the safety features of this Boeing 767. You know about the emergency exits, oxygen masks, floating seat cushions, and so on, so we will not waste time with those. Consult the cards in your seat pocket for information on all features of our aircraft. "Please do pay attention to the new security features. "In the event of midair terrorism, a panel will open alongside the window seat, containing two lightweight automatic handguns. They are fully loaded, and extra clips are available in velcro straps. As the flight attendants are now demonstrating, to operate the pistol, simply draw back the slide and let it fall forward, then aim by lining up the slot in the rear site with the front site, cantered on the middle of more...

By Terry Jones (of Monty Python)
February 20, 2002
Times Observer

To prevent terrorism by dropping bombs on Iraq is such an obvious idea that I can't think why no one has thought of it before. It's so simple. If only the UK had done something similar in Northern Ireland, we wouldn't be in the mess we are in today. The moment the IRA blew up the Horseguards' bandstand, the Government should have declared its own War on Terrorism. It should have immediately demanded that the Irish government hand over Gerry Adams. If they refused to do so - or quibbled about needing proof of his guilt - we could have told them that this was no time for prevarication and that they must hand over not only Adams but all IRA terrorists in the Republic. If they tried to stall by claiming that it was hard to tell who were IRA terrorists and who weren't, because they don't go around wearing identity badges, we would have been free to send in the bombers.

It is well known that more...

A Korean, A Mexican, An Australian & An American Are Attending A U. N. General Assembly. The Secretary General Of The U. N.
Says,"Each And Every Country Should Take Necessary Steps To Solve The Problem Of Terrorism For The Betterment Of The Rest Of
The World. To This The Korean Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Phrase'necessary Steps.' After This The Mexican
Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meaning Of The Phrase" To Solve Problems." Then The Australian Says "Sorry, I Don't Know The
Meaning Of The Word' Terrorism'." At Last The American Says'Sorry, I Don't Know The Meanig Of The Phrase'for The Betterment
Of The Rest Of The World."

PRESS RELEASE:
Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary
President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:
CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!
WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.
AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
- 2 CANOES,
- 6 MOUNTIES,
- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

PRESS RELEASE:Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM! WE HAVE PLEDGED:- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,- 600 GROUND TROOPS,- 6 FIGHTER JETS.AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:- 2 CANOES,- 6 MOUNTIES,- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

PRESS RELEASE:

Prime Minister of Canada to Visit Washington Statement by the Press Secretary

President Bush and Prime Minister John Chretien of Canada met on Sept. 24th with the Canadian Leader strongly supporting the war on terrorism. Prime Minister Chretien issued the following statement:

CANADIANS WILL HELP AMERICA WITH THE WAR ON TERRORISM!

WE HAVE PLEDGED:
- 2 BATTLE SHIPS,
- 600 GROUND TROOPS,
- 6 FIGHTER JETS.

AFTER THE AMERICAN EXCHANGE RATE, THEY WILL END UP WITH:
- 2 CANOES,
- 6 MOUNTIES,
- AND A BUNCH OF FLYING SQUIRRELS

"If you meet Osama Bin Laden - sucker punch the bastard"
"Special hotline to report anyone who looks 'shifty'"
"Offer Taliban free HBO, instead of cable guy send Jackie Chan"
"Two words: spy monkeys"
"Go to every K-Mart and announce over P.A.: 'Will Osama Bin Laden report to the manager's office?'"
"What are we waiting for - call Batman"
"Give terrorists brightly wrapped fruitcake, but inside there's a skunk!"
"Make Taliban leaders easier to spot by sending them all bright orange hats"
"Fight terrorism with love!" (the guy who suggested this was beaten to a pulp by an angry mob)
"Do another 'Hands Across America' - that worked before"
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