Anti-War Jokes

Editor's Note: These are, naturally, from the era of the Bush administration...

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Draft The Bush Twins

Don't Mess With Mesopotamia

War Is SO 20th Century

When Bush Comes To Shove

Brains Not Bombs

War Is A Dick Thing, Peace Is A Heart Thing

George Dubya: Weapon Of Mass Distraction

Beat The Bushes For Peace

Weapons Of Mass Destruction: Look Under The Bushes

Drop Bush, Not Bombs

Bombing For Peace Is Like F*cking For Virginity

Evolve! Work For A Non-violent Future

If War Is The Answer, We're Asking The Wrong Question

Killing Innocent People Is The Problem, Not The Solution

Save America, Spare Iraq, Make Texas Take Him Back

Real Patriots Drive Hybrids

Drop Names, Not Bombs

Who Would Jesus Bomb?

Stop Mad Cowboy Disease

George Bush more...

Q. What's the difference between the Vietnam War and the Iraq War?

A. George W. Bush had a plan to get out of the Vietnam War.

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Q: What's the fastest way to break up a bingo game in Baghdad?

A: You shout out, "B-52"

The Craven

Once upon an
election so dreary
as we pondered weak and weary
Over many quaint and curious rights of Constitutional lore.
While G.W. nodded, nearly napping,
suddenly came a tapping,
As of someone loudly rapping,
rapping at the White House door.
"'Tis some visitor," he muttered, "tapping at the White House door."
Only to find it was Michael Moore.

Ah, distinctly G.W. remembered it was the bleak June,
And now his approval rate wrought its ghost upon the floor.
Eagerly he wished for the election to be over, vainly he sought to win
For his second term. But now he sorrowed for the lost glamour.
"Will you let me enter?" bade Michael. "Can we talk about the war?"
Quoth G.W.:
"Never, Moore!"

Then, Michael thought, the air grew denser, stilled by an unseen censor
Swung by G.W.'s staunch supporters whose influence one more...

Fiddle-dee-dee. War, war, war. This war talk's spoiling all the fun at every party. I get so bored I could scream.
-- Scarlett O'Hara in "Gone With the Wind"

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.
-- Jeannette Rankin, first woman member of U.S. House of Representatives

It is well that war is so terrible, or we should grow too fond of it.
-- Robert E. Lee

Cover a war in a place where you can't drink beer or talk to a woman? Hell no!
-- Hunter S. Thompson, on why he refused to cover the Gulf War

This country's only 200 years old and we've already had 10 major wars. We average a major war every 20 years in this country, so we're good at it! And it's a good thing we are; we're not good at anything else anymore... Can't educate our children, can't give health care to our old people -- but we can bomb the [bleep] out of your country.
-- George Carlin

Men, all this stuff you heard more...

Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

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PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...