Taxi Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two Yanks touring London in a taxi. What is that asked one of the Yanks.

Why that is Buckingham Palace answered the taxi driver. Well you should see the states we have much bigger houses over there, and that.

That is the Post Office Tower.

Oh our towers are much bigger.

This went on for much of the day until they went past a another building. Our buildings are much bigger than that one too.

I thought it might be said the taxi driver, That is the mental institute.

They turned on a night light, turned the answer machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and threw the cat into the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had thrown into the yard scoots back into the house. They don't want the cat shut in the house because "she" always tries to eat the bird.
The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. The wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty.
She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."
A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab.
"Sorry I took so long," he says. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out! Then I had to wrap her in a more...

An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the
taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see
the driver drive straight through without even slowing down.
Surprised as he was, he didn't say anything, feeling himself
a "guest" and not wanting to make waves. The trip continued
without event until the next intersection. This time the
light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver
brought the vehicle to a grinding halt. Unable to contain
his astonishment, he turns to the driver:
"Listen," he says, "when you went through the red light, I
didn't say anything. But, why, in heaven's name, are you
stopping at a green light?!"
The Israeli driver looks at him as if the American was
deranged:
"Are you crazy?!" he shouts. "The other guy has a red
light-do you want to get us killed?!"

What is the new name for a taxi in Oshakati? A computer. Why? It has windows, always crashes, & is driven by a thin black floppy with a virus.

An American tourist was riding in a taxi in Israel. As the taxi approached a red light, the tourist was shocked to see the driver drive straight through without even slowing down. Surprised as he was, he didn't say anything feeling himself a "guest" and not wanting to make waves. The trip continued without event until the next intersection. This time the light was green and, to the American's dismay, the cab driver brought the vehicle to a grinding halt. Unable to contain his astonishment, he turns to the driver.
"Listen." he says, "When you went through the red light, I didn't say anything. But why on earth are you stopping at a green light?"
The Israeli driver looks at him as if the American was deranged: "Are you crazy?!", he shouts. "The other guy has a red light! Do you want to get us killed?"

This yuppie had just gotten his first BMW and wanted to show
it off to his friends. So he goes motoring up Broadway, and parks at
his friends apartment. He was so excited that he forgot to look when
he opened the door. Just then, a taxi comes screaming up and neatly
removes the door from the car, along with the guy's left arm.
The guy jumps out of his car and starts screaming, "My BMW, my
BMW!" The taxi driver comes running up, and says, "Listen, you're in
shock, your arm was taken off and you're losing a lot of blood."
The yuppie just notices that his arm was ripped off and starts
to yell, "My Rolex, my Rolex!!"
Raymond C.Caron (The Lizard)

An Englishwoman and her young son were travelling in a taxi in New York. As they were driving through a rather seedy looking part of town, the boy became fascinated by the garishly made up women in short skirts and high heels who seemed to be accosting some of the men passing by.
“Mummy” the boy asked, “what are those ladies doing? ”
The mother, clearly embarassed by the question, replied: “I expect they’re lost and are asking people for directions”
The taxi driver overhead this and interrupted: “why not tell me boy the truth, those women are prostitutes. ”
The mother blushed more brightly at this remark but the boy wouldn’t let it go:
“What are prostitutes Mummy, are they like other women, do they have children too? ”
“Of course” the mother replied, “that’s where New York taxi drivers come from. ”