Tapping Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    A Bah Humbug

    Hot 2 months ago

    Sung to the tune of Santa Claus is Coming to Town

    You better watch out,
    You better not cry,
    You better not pout,
    I'm telling you why,
    Santa Claus is tapping,
    Your phone.

    He's buggin your room,
    He's reading your mail,
    He's keeping a file
    And runnin a tail
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone

    He hears you in the bedroom
    Surveils you out of doors
    And if that doesn't get the goods
    Then he'll use provocateurs.

    So you mustn't assume
    That you are secure
    On Christmas Eve
    He'll kick in your door
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone...

    Santa and Banta left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. Banta screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face here!"
    Santa sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. Banta rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?"
    The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?"
    Banta handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to Santa, rolling up the window in terror.
    A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again.
    Santa said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now."
    All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared.
    "There he is again," Banta yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, more...

    Seen in the latest copy of Windows Sources Magazine
    Reprinted without their permission.
    To: Windows R & D
    From: Bill Gates
    Re: Lack of progress in extending Windows interface to noncomputer environments
    I am quite concerned about your recent report detailing what you call problems in extending the Windows interface to products other than computers. The growth of Microsoft is dependent on our ability to extend Windows to every aspect of business, home, and society. After all, we all own MS stock, and if you want to become a billionaire, too, you will, I'm sure, learn to minimize the effects of what others call reality and laws of physics. Here's some feedback on the first wave of Windows-ready products.
    WINDOWS TOASTER:
    This is one of the few products on which we have any agreement. You agree that tapping on a minimize arrow will lower the bread into the toaster and that tapping a maximize arrow will make the slices pop out again. But you complain that you more...

    You'd better watch out,
    You'd better not cry,
    You'd better not pout;
    I'm telling you why.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone.
    He's bugging your room,
    He's reading your mail,
    He's keeping a file
    And running a tail.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone.
    He hears you in the bedroom,
    Surveills you out of doors,
    And if that doesn't get the goods,
    Then he'll use provocateurs.
    So - you mustn't assume
    That you are secure.
    On Christmas Eve
    He'll kick in your door.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone.

    You'd better watch out,
    You'd better not cry,
    You'd better not pout;
    I'm telling you why.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone. He's bugging your room,
    He's reading your mail,
    He's keeping a file
    And running a tail.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone.He hears you in the bedroom,
    Surveills you out of doors,
    And if that doesn't get the goods,
    Then he'll use provocateurs.So-you mustn't assume
    That you are secure.
    On Christmas Eve
    He'll kick in your door.
    Santa Claus is tapping
    Your phone.

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