Stove Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Too much thinking...

    Hot 1 year ago

    Last year authorities in Montana discovered that a hermit had been living in an old Forest Service cabin, and they were concerned about his well being. They decided to send up a team of experts from different fields to analyze his living arrangements, and to make sure that he was okay.First they decided on a Psychologist, to make sure that the man was mentally handling his isolation. Next, they decided on an Engineer, to make sure that the cabin is still structurally sound and safe. Finally, they decided on a Theological professor from the university, to make sure that the man's spiritual needs were being fulfilled.The team made it's way up the treacherous terrain in three days, but they were truly exhausted. Finally, on the evening of the third day, they spotted the cabin. From the outside, it appeared all was well.The area around the cabin was clean, the ground almost appearing as though it had been swept often. There was smoke coming from the stove pipe chimney, and the door was more...

    Log On: Making a wood stove hot
    Log Off: Too much wood on a fire
    Monitor: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
    Download: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
    Megahertz: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
    Floppy disc: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
    Ram: That thar thang what splits the farwood
    Hard Drive: Gitten home in the winter time
    Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside
    Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season
    Byte: Whut dem dang flys do
    Chip: Munchies fer the TV
    Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
    Modem: Whatcha do to the hay fields
    Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix's wife
    Lap Top: Whar the kitty sleeps
    Keyboard: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
    Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
    Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    Mousepad: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
    Mainframe: Holds up the barn roof
    Port: Fancy flatlander wine
    Enter: Northerner more...

    Log On:
    Makin' the wood stove hotter.
    Log Off:
    Don't add no wood.
    Monitor:
    Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
    Download:
    Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
    Mega Hertz:
    When yer not careful down loadin'.
    Floppy Disk:
    Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
    Ram:
    The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
    Hard Drive:
    Getting' home in the winter season.
    Prompt:
    What you wish the mail was in the winter.
    Windows:
    What to shut when it's below 15 below.
    Screen:
    What 'cha need for the black fly season.
    Byte:
    That's what the flies do.
    Chip:
    What to munch on.
    Micro Chip:
    What's left in the bottom of the bag.
    Infrared:
    Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
    Modem:
    What 'cha did to the hay fields.
    Dot Matrix:
    Farmer Matrix's wife.
    Lap Top:
    Where little kids feel comfy.
    Keyboard:
    Where ya hang your keys.
    Software:
    Them plastic eatin' more...

    1. Log on: Make the wood stove hotter
    2. Log off: Don't add no more wood
    3. Monitor: Keep an eye on that wood stove
    4. Download: Getting the firewood off the truck
    5. Floppy Disk: What you fet from trying to carry to
    much firewood
    6. Ram: The thing that splits the firewood
    7. Hard Drive: Getting home in the winter
    8. Prompt: "Throw another log on the fire"
    9. Window: What to shut when it's cold outside
    10. Screen: What to shut in fly season
    11. Byte: What flies do
    12. Bit: What the flies did
    13. Mega Byte: What BIG flies do
    14. Chip: Munchies when monitoring
    15. Micro Chip: What's left after you eat the chips
    16. Modem: What you did to the hay fields
    17. Dot Matrix: Old Dan Matrixs' wife
    18. Lap top: Where kitty sleeps
    19. Software: The dumb plastic knives and forks they
    give you at the Big R
    20. Hardware: Real stainless steel cutlery
    21. Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    22. more...

    DIARY OF A SNOW SHOVELER
    December 8: 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window, watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!
    December 9: We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the Whole World? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snow plow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life!
    December 12: The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says more...

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