Firewood Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Redneck joke

    Hot 3 years ago

    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
    "Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Happy Birthday Buddy"

    The phone rings at FBI headquarters.

    "Hello?"

    "Hello, is this FBI?"

    "Yes. What do you want?"

    "I'm calling to report my neighbor Tom. He is hiding marijuana in his firewood."

    "This will be noted."

    Next day, the FBI comes over to Tom's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept, break every piece of wood, find no marijuana, swear at Tom and leave.

    The phone rings at Tom's house.

    "Hey, Tom! Did the FBI come?"

    "Yeah!"

    "Did they chop your firewood?"

    "Yeah they did."

    "Okay, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."

    Log On:
    Makin' the wood stove hotter.
    Log Off:
    Don't add no wood.
    Monitor:
    Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
    Download:
    Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
    Mega Hertz:
    When yer not careful down loadin'.
    Floppy Disk:
    Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
    Ram:
    The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
    Hard Drive:
    Getting' home in the winter season.
    Prompt:
    What you wish the mail was in the winter.
    Windows:
    What to shut when it's below 15 below.
    Screen:
    What 'cha need for the black fly season.
    Byte:
    That's what the flies do.
    Chip:
    What to munch on.
    Micro Chip:
    What's left in the bottom of the bag.
    Infrared:
    Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
    Modem:
    What 'cha did to the hay fields.
    Dot Matrix:
    Farmer Matrix's wife.
    Lap Top:
    Where little kids feel comfy.
    Keyboard:
    Where ya hang your keys.
    Software:
    Them plastic eatin' more...

    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left. The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
    "Hey Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Merry Christmas Buddy"

    "Hello, is this the FBI?"
    "Yes. What do you want?"
    "I'm calling to report about my neighbor Billy Bob Smith! He is hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
    "Thank you very much for the call, sir."
    The next day, the FBI agents descend on Billy Bob's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swore at Billy Bob and left.
    The phone rings at Billy Bob's house.
    "Hey, Billy Bob! Did the FBI come?"
    "Yeah!"
    "Did they chop your firewood?"
    "Yep."
    "Merry Christmas Buddy."

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