Matrix Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Log On: Making a wood stove hot
    Log Off: Too much wood on a fire
    Monitor: Keep'n an eye on the wood stove
    Download: Gitten the farwood off'n the truck
    Megahertz: When yer not keerfull gitten the farwood
    Floppy disc: Whatcha git from tryin to tote too much farwood
    Ram: That thar thang what splits the farwood
    Hard Drive: Gitten home in the winter time
    Windows: Whut to shut when its cold outside
    Screen: Whut to shut when its black fly season
    Byte: Whut dem dang flys do
    Chip: Munchies fer the TV
    Micro Chip: Whut's in the bottom of the munchie bag
    Modem: Whatcha do to the hay fields
    Dot Matrix: Ole Dan Matrix's wife
    Lap Top: Whar the kitty sleeps
    Keyboard: Whar you hang the dang truck keys
    Software: Dem dang plastic forks and knifes
    Mouse: What eats the grain in the barn
    Mousepad: That's hippie talk fer where the mouse lives
    Mainframe: Holds up the barn roof
    Port: Fancy flatlander wine
    Enter: Northerner more...

    Log On:
    Makin' the wood stove hotter.
    Log Off:
    Don't add no wood.
    Monitor:
    Keepin' an eye on the wood stove.
    Download:
    Gettin' the firewood off the pickup.
    Mega Hertz:
    When yer not careful down loadin'.
    Floppy Disk:
    Whatcha git from pilin' too much firewood.
    Ram:
    The hydrolic thingy that splits the firewood.
    Hard Drive:
    Getting' home in the winter season.
    Prompt:
    What you wish the mail was in the winter.
    Windows:
    What to shut when it's below 15 below.
    Screen:
    What 'cha need for the black fly season.
    Byte:
    That's what the flies do.
    Chip:
    What to munch on.
    Micro Chip:
    What's left in the bottom of the bag.
    Infrared:
    Where the left-overs go when Fred's around.
    Modem:
    What 'cha did to the hay fields.
    Dot Matrix:
    Farmer Matrix's wife.
    Lap Top:
    Where little kids feel comfy.
    Keyboard:
    Where ya hang your keys.
    Software:
    Them plastic eatin' more...

    Dot Matrix - Eino Matrix's wife

    For Spring Break '05, Chuck Norris drove to Madagascar, riding a chariot pulled by two electric eels.
    The Manhattan Project was not intended to create nuclear weapons, it was meant to recreate the destructive power in a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. They didn't even come close.
    Chuck Norris has banned rainbows from the state of North Dakota.
    Divide Chuck Norris by zero and you will in fact get one; one bad-ass, that is.
    TNT was originally developed by Chuck Norris to cure indigestion.
    After returning from World War 2 unscathed, Bob Dole was congratulated by Chuck Norris with a handshake. The rest is history.
    Chuck Norris runs on batteries. Specifically, Die Hards.
    "Let the Bodies Hit the Floor" was originally written as Chuck Norris' theme song.
    Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
    Only Chuck Norris can prevent forest fires.
    When Chuck Norris makes a burrito, its main more...

    Gets his orders from another planet. Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section. Gets parity errors under load. Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle. Goalie for the dart team. God might still use him for miracle practice. God's favorite target for lightning strikes. Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter. Good at quantum tunneling but not much else. Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it. Got his brains as a stocking stuffer. Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching. Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference. Gyros are loose. Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves. Had a head crash. Half a bubble off plumb. - attributed to Mark Twain Happiness is seeing her picture on a milk carton. Hard to distinguish from the tail end of a horse. Hard to tell if he has an ace up his sleeve or if the ace is missing from his deck altogether. Has a bus fault problem. Has a few wait states. Has a full six-pack but lacks the plastic thing more...

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