Stop Jokes / Recent Jokes

A first-grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked the boy, "What is your problem?"
The boy answers, "I'm too smart for the first-grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade too!"
The Teacher had enough. She took the boy to the principal's office.
While the boy waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. She agreed.
The boy was brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
Boy: "9."
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?"
Boy: "36."
And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal more...

Biting Your Fingernails!

Hot 4 years ago

Little Jimmy bit his fingernails all the time. His parents tried everything to get him to stop, but to no avail. Finally, his mother, exasperated, decided to tell him a little white lie to get him to stop.
"Jimmy," she said, "You'd better stop biting your fingernails. If you don't, then those fingernails will pile up inside your stomach and soon your stomach will be huge and full of fingernails." Jimmy, worried about the idea of fingernails in his stomach, agreed to stop.
The next day, Jimmy and his mom were shopping in a supermarket. They went to check out, and a pregnant woman was waiting in line in front of them. Jimmy beamed at the pregnant woman and said, "I know what YOU'VE been doing...."

When it comes to charity, most people stop at nothing.

The Preacher's Donkey

Hot 5 years ago

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!"
The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase.
The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!.... Church!... Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just more...

Gain weight. At least 30 pounds.
Stop exercising. Waste of time.
Read less. Makes you think.
Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.
Procrastinate more. Starting tomorrow.
Not date any of the Baywatch cast.
Spend more time at work, surfing with the T1.
Take a vacation to someplace important: like, to see
the largest ball of twine.
Not jump off a cliff just because everyone else did.
Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.
Not have eight children at once.
Get in a whole NEW rut!
Start being superstitious.
Personal goal: bring back disco.
Not wrestle with Jesse Ventura.
Not bet against the Minnesota Vikings.
Buy an '83 Eldorado and invest in a really loud stereo
system.
Get the windows tinted. Buy some fur for the dash.
Speak in a monotone voice and only use monosyllabic
words.
Only wear jeans that are 2 sizes too small and use a
chain or rope for a belt.
Spend my more...

Guardian Angel

Hot 5 years ago

A man was walking in the street when he heard a voice: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step, a brick will fall down on your head and kill you."
The man stopped and a big brick fell right in front of him. The man was astonished. He went on, and after awhile he was going to cross the road.
Once again the voice shouted: "Stop! Stand still! If you take one more step a car will run over you and you will die."
The man did as he was instructed, just as a car came careening around the corner, barely missing him.
"Where are you?" the man asked. "Who are you?"
"I am your guardian angel," the voice answered.
"Oh yeah?" the man asked... "And where were you when I got married?"

Stop Sign

Hot 1 month ago

A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over."No," the man replied."You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained."But I did slow down!" the guy argued.
The cop shook his head. "You are required to stop. That's why they're called stop signs."
The man started to get belligerent. "Stop, slow down -- what's the difference?"The cop pulled out his baton. "I can show you. I'm going to start hitting you with my baton. You tell me if you want me to stop or slow down."