Stealing Jokes / Recent Jokes
A Master Thief in London was giving a Coaching Class on Stealing and had students from all over the world. The Indian happened to be a Sardar. After several grueling classes on Theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo. The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase. Owner: Who's that? Master: Miaooow... The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished. The Sardar is very impressed. Returning to Punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow Sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes. Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich Sardar in darkness, and tells the other Sardars, " These are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " Firstly, he goes and overturns a vase. Owner: Koun Hai? ( Who's that? ) Sardar: Mai Billi. ( I am the cat.) Owner: Oh, Billi ( Oh. Cat.) and goes back to sleep.
Recently, somewhere in the US a teacher gave his class a not-too-kosher maths test which landed him in the proverbial soup. The original was edited and given to the class in all seriousness (I think). But there was some logical reasoning behind it!
Many people claim the reason innner city students do poorly on standardized tests is because the tests are culturally biased as part of an evil white surburbanite plan. This is of course a much more likely explanation than the idea that drugs, running gun battles and teen pregnancy are disruptive to education.
So, here's a culturally normalized standard test. City of East Los Angeles
High School Math Proficiency Final Exam
Name: ____________
Alias: ____________
Gang: ____________
Johnny has an AK-47 with a 40 round clip. If he misses 6 out of 10 shots, and he shoots 13 times at every drive by shooting, how may drive by shootings can he attend before he has to reload? Jose has 2 ounces of cocaine and he more...
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honour," he said, "I wanna get out a warrent for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?"
"Well, your honour," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury acquitted him. Later that day Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing.
"Your honor," he said, "I wanna get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine."
"Why? " asked the judge. "He won your acquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for? "
"Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole."
Every DVD now has a little opening sequence with a PSA that tries to guilt you out of illegal downloading by appealing to your decency. It says things like, "You wouldn't steal a car..." and it shows someone not stealing a car. Then it shows that same person stealing movies and music off the Internet, thereby teaching me a valuable lesson:
It turns out I would totally steal a car if I could download it from the Internet.
A master thief in london was giving a coaching class on stealing and had students from all over the world. The indian happened to be a sardar. After several grueling classes on theory came the final and decisive class of all, a practical demo. The master took all his pupils to a house nearby in the darkness of night and entered that. But by mistake he overturns a vase. Owner: who's that? Master: miaooow... The owner is satisfied and goes back to sleep. Mission accomplished. The sardar is very impressed. Returning to punjab, he decides to open a similar class for his fellow sardars. Does so and follows the same schedule of theory classes. Then he goes for the demo with his pupils. Enters the house of a rich sardar in darkness, and tells the other sardars, " these are the various steps for stealing. You just observe. " firstly, he goes and overturns a vase. Owner: koun hai? ( who's that? ) Sardar: mai billi. ( i am the cat.) Owner: , billi (. Cat.) And goes back to sleep.
My problem is that I keep stealing things when I go Christmas shopping. Can you give me something for it! Doctor: Try this medicine...and if it doesn't work come back and bring me a new video camera.