Vase Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Stacey makes a new friend at school and invites her home for the first time. Stacey excuses herself to fetch her Mom and introduce her new friend. As her friend is standing in the living room next to the fireplace, she picks up the attractive vase on the mantle. When Stacey returns with her mother, her friend is staring curiously into the vase. "Oh, those are my father's ashes," Stacey informs her new friend. However, this startles her so that she drops the vase with a - ashes and broken vase scattering all around. After turning three shades of red she stammers out, "Oh, no... I'm, oh!... I, can't... didn't mean to.." "It's OK dear," the mother says. "The vase was just from Wal- Mart." The new friend catches her breath enough to say, "But... but your husband's ashes..." "Well," the mother says, "looks like he'll just have to get off his lazy butt and get the ashtray from the kitchen from now on!"

    Martha Stewart vs Me

    Hot 4 months ago

    Martha Stewart vs Me... Martha's way: Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips. My way: Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake, you are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it anyway. Martha's way: Use a meat baster to "squeeze" your pancake batter onto the hot griddle and you'll get perfectly shape pancakes every time. My way: Buy the precooked kind you nuke in the microwave for 30 seconds. The hard part is getting them out of the plastic bag. Martha's way: To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in thebag with the potatoes. My way: Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix and keep it in the pantry for up to a year. Martha's way: To prevent egg shells from cracking, add a pinch of salt to the water before hard boiling. My way: Who cares if they crack, aren't you going to take the shells off anyway? Martha's way: To get the most juice out of fresh lemons, bring them to room more...

    A young man went to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. When he arrived, she lead him into the living room and told him to make himself comfortable while she went into the kitchen to make them drinks.
    As he looked around the room, he noticed a little vase on the mantel. He walked over to it and picked it up to examine it, just as she walked back in.
    "What's this?" he asked.
    "Oh," she replied, "my Dad's ashes are in there."
    Embarrassed and speechless, he carefully set the vase back on the mantel.
    "Yeah," she continued, "he's too lazy to go into the kitchen to get an ashtray."

    During their first date, the guy goes to the girl's house, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to get them a drink, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel.
    He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in with the drinks.
    Holding up the vase, he asks "What's this?"
    She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there..."
    He goes, "Oooh... I... I didn't know your father..."
    She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

    Hey Patrick, do I hear you spitting in the vase on the mantelpiece? "No, Nora, but I'm getting closer all the time !"

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