Spider Jokes / Recent Jokes
What do you get if you cross a spider and an elephant? I'm not sure, but if you see one walking across the ceiling then run before it collapses!
Customer: There Is A Fly In My Soup.
Waiter: Don't Worry Sir, The Spider In The Bread Will Eat It.
During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.
Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.
As he waited, he prayed, Lord, if it be your will, please protect me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen.
After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw close. He thought, well, I guess the Lord isn't going to help me out of this one.
Then he saw a spider begin to build a web over the front of his cave. As he watched, listening to the enemy more...
How do you swat flies in Texas?
With a tennis racket.
First Mother Fly: How's the new baby?
Second Mother Fly: Very restless. I had to walk the ceiling with him all night.
How does a spider greet a fly?
"I'm so pleased to eat you!"
Why are spiders good baseball players?
Because they know how to catch flies.
What's the difference between a duck and a spider?
The duck has a web in its feet, the spider has its feet in a web.
Where do spiders go to learn new words?
Web-ster's Dictionary.
Who can leap tall poodles in a single bound?
Super Flea.
Which mosquito attacked Dorothy and Toto?
The Wicked Itch of the West.
Who is the termites' favorite comedian?
Woody Allen
Who are the best-dressed insects on the police force?
The Miami Lice.
Who was the greatest insect baseball player?
Mickey Mantis
Once Santa Decided To Become A Scientist. He Started His First Experiment With A Spider. He Cut Its Two Legs, And Said, "Move". The Spider Moved. Then He Removed Two More And Agai Said,"Move". The Spider Moved. Then He Removed The Remaining And Ordered It To Move. This Time The Spider Did Not Move. So He Wrote The Conclusion As'if You Cut All Of The Spiders Legs It Becomes Deaf'
In Italy they have no Christmas trees, instead they decorate small
wooden pyramids with fruit.
In Caracas, the capital city of Venezuela, it is customary for the
streets to be blocked off on Christmas eve so that the people can
roller-skate to church.
An artificial spider and web are often included in the decorations
on Ukrainian Christmas trees. A spider web found on Christmas
morning is believed to bring good luck.
It is a British Christmas tradition that a wish made while mixing
the Christmas pudding will come true only if the ingredients are
stirred in a clockwise direction.
A traditional Christmas dinner in early England was the head of a
pig prepared with mustard.
Sending red Christmas cards to anyone in Japan constitutes bad
etiquette, since funeral notices there are customarily printed in
red.
In Norway on Christmas Eve, all the brooms in the house are hidden more...