Soul Jokes

  • Funny Jokes

    Northwest hell

    Hot 2 years ago

    A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.

    After watching Satan do this several times, the fellows curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder.

    'Excuse me, Prince of Darkness,' he said.' Im waiting in line for judgment, but I couldnt help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?'' Ah, those...' Satan said with a groan.' They're all from Seattle; theyre too wet to burn!'

    Indian Politician

    Hot 2 years ago

    Dharmaraj, the divine record keeper summoned Yamdoot, the messenger of death and ordered:' Go down and get the atma of Ram Lal. His time is up.'

    Yamdoot went down and found Ram Lal. But however much he looked in Ram Lai's body, he could not find his atma. He reported back to Dharmaraj.

    ' How can that be?, demanded the record keeper.' Every person has to have a soul. Go and look more carefully.'

    Yamdoot went back and looked more carefully but failed to find Ram Lal's soul.

    Dharmaraj consulted his records and could find no entry of a human being without an atma.' What does this fellow Ram Lai do for a living?', he asked.

    'He is some kind of a minister in the government,' replied Yamdoot.

    'No wonder you couldn't find a soul in his body. Go back and look in his chair. That's where Indian politicians and ministers keep their atmas.'

    Avoid all esoteric jewellery over ten pounds in weight - it attracts unwelcome attention from muggers, policemen, various supernatural creatures and can be and are downright dangerous during thunderstorms.
    Avoid using coloured candles in rituals. I cannot stress this enough. Pastel-coloured candles in the shape of cute animals are like beacons to the weirdest demons.
    Never make flippant remarks to a demon ("Hey, Belial, you look like hell, ha ha."). It may retort with its own brand of humour, like tearing your limbs apart.
    Always keep your kit with you: candles, chalk, incense, silver knife, service revolver, garlic, taxi fare, condoms, and change.
    When the Black Mass goes awry, stay away from the High Priest. Enraged demons always go for the pompous.
    If a demon promises you untold riches in exchange for your body, ask for an advance - freeloading sex fiends abound.
    If the entity you summoned offers you its soul in return for money, chances are that more...

    this guy got a new car radio you shout soul it plays soul you shout rock it plays he was driving down the street one day and 3 kids ran out in front of him and he shouted fucking kids and the radio played michael jackson

    Whoever said "only the good die young" was probably in Chuck Norris's kindergarten class.
    Chuck Norris once skewered a man with the Eiffel tower.
    The best part of waking up, is not Folgers in your cup, but knowing that Chuck Norris didn't kill you in your sleep.
    Chuck Norris doesn't own a can opener, he just chews through the can.
    Occam's Razor says that the simplest answer tends to be the correct one. Norris' Razor involves a flick of the wrist and a Columbian Necktie.
    Chuck Norris needs a monkeywrench and a blowtorch to masturbate.
    Proponents of higher-order theories of consciousness argue that consciousness is explained by the relation between two levels of mental states in which a higher-order mental state takes another mental state. If you mention this to Chuck Norris, expect an explosive roundhouse kick to the face for spouting too much fancy-talk.
    Chuck Norris invented all 32 letters of the alphabet.
    Remember The Ultimate Warrior? He more...

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