Soap Jokes / Recent Jokes

ACTUAL PRODUCT INSTRUCTIONS:ON A HAIRDRYER:*Do not use while sleeping.ON A BAG OF FRITOS:*You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.ON A BAR OF DIAL SOAP:*Directions: Use like regular soap.FROZEN DINNER SERVING SUGGESTION:*Defrost.ON A HOTEL-PROVIDED SHOWER CAP IN A BOX:*Fits one head.ON TESCO'S TIRIMISU DESERT:*Do not turn upside down. (Printed on the bottom of the box.)ON MARKS & SPENCER BREAD PUDDING:*Product will be hot after heating.ON PACKAGING FOR A ROWENTA IRON:*Do not Iron clothes on body.ON BOOTS CHILDRENS COUGH MEDICINE:*Do not drive car or operate machinery.ON NYTOL (A SLEEP AID):*Warning: May cause drowsiness.ON A KOREAN KITCHEN KNIFE:*Warning: Keep out of children.ON A STRING OF CHINESE MADE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS:*For indoor or outdoor use only.ON A JAPANESE FOOD PROCESSOR:*Not to be used for the other use.ON SAINSBURY'S PEANUTS:*Warning: contains nutsON AN AMERICAN AIRLINES PACKET OF NUTS:*Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.ON A SWEDISH CHAINSAW:*Do not more...

Laundry Notes A woman sends her clothing out to the Chinese laundry. When it comes back there are still stains in her panties. So the next week she encloses a note to the Chinese man that says, "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" This goes on for several weeks, the woman sending the same note to the laundry. "USE MORE SOAP ON PANTIES!" Finally fed up the Chinese man responded with his own note that said, "USE MORE PAPER ON REAR END!!!"

Two priests are off to the showers late one night. They undress and step in the showers before they realize there is no soap.
Father John says he has soap in his room and goes to get it, not bothering to dress. He grabs two bars of soap, one in each hand, and heads back to the showers.
He is halfway down the hall when he sees three nuns heading his way. Having no place to hide, he stands against the wall and freezes like he's a statue.
The nuns stop and comment on how lifelike he looks. The first nun suddenly reaches out and pulls on his manhood. Startled, he drops a bar of soap.
"Oh look," says the first nun, "it's a soap dispenser." To test her theory the second nun also pulls on his manhood... sure enough he drops the other bar of soap.
The third nun decides to have a go. She pulls once, then twice and three times but nothing happens. So she gives one last, despairing tug then yells

"Holy Mary, Mother of God - Hand more...

Lunch Bagil Lunch Kondu Pokan Pattum... But School Bagil School Kondu Pokan Pattumo???
Bus stoppinte aduthu wait cheythal BUS varum... Full stoppinte aduthu wait cheythal oru FULL varumo...???. . potte oru quarter engilum...
Auto Driver Ayal Auto Odikkan Pattum!!! But Screw Driver Ayal screw Odikkan Pattumo???
Lux Rs. 9. 50 Lyril Rs. 10. 50 Chandrika Rs. 12. 00 Jeeva Rs. 8. 00 Eethu venamenkilum vangitharam Onnu kulichal mathi!!!
Want to see the greatest tourist spot - Munnaru? 666!!!!!!! enni nokkikke moonnar illennu... ha ha!
Idly Podi Thotu Idly Kazhikkam, Ennal Mooku Podi Thotu Mooku kazhikkam pattumo??
Keralathil motham 679 puzhayum, 1234 aruviyum 2345 kulavumunde. Onnu poyi kulichu koode?
Niraparayum Nilavilakkum Thengin Thoppum oormayil Sukshikkunna Malayalikku Oru Thiruvonam Kudi. Nanma Niranja Oonashamsakal
Engineering Collegil Padichal Engineer Akam. Ennal Presidency Collegil Padichal President Akan Pattumo??
Cycilil poyal cycling more...

How does a man take a bubble bath?
He eats beans for dinner.
Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up?
Because they don't have testicles.
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don't have eyes.
Why don't men eat more M&M's?
They're too hard to peel.
What do you call a man with an IQ of 50?
Gifted.
What's a man's idea of foreplay?
A half hour of begging.
How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?
He's breathing.
What do men and bottles of beer have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
How can you tell if a man is happy?
Who cares!!!
What is the thinnest book in the world?
What Men Know About Women
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One. Men will screw anything!
How do you save a man from drowning?
Take your foot off his head.
How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
We don't know - it's never happened.
Why do more...

How does a man take a bubble bath? He eats beans for dinner.Why do women rub their eyes when they wake up? Because they don't have testicles.Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes.Why don't men eat more M&M's? They're too hard to peel.What do you call a man with an IQ of 50? Gifted.What's a man's idea of foreplay? A half hour of begging.How can you tell if a man is sexually excited? He's breathing.What do men and bottles of beer have in common? They're both empty from the neck up.How can you tell if a man is happy? Who cares!!! What is the thinnest book in the world? What Men Know About WomenHow many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. Men will screw anything! How do you save a man from drowning? Take your foot off his head.How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? We don't know - it's never happened.Why do men always have a stupid look on their faces? Because they're stupid.How are men and parking spots alike? The good more...

A minister was asked to dinner by one of his parishioners, who he knew was an unkempt housekeeper. When he sat down at the table, he noticed that the dishes were the dirtiest that he had ever seen in his life.' 'Were these dishes ever washed?'' he asked his hostess, running his fingers over the grit and grime. She replied,' 'They're as clean as soap and water could get them.''

He felt a bit apprehensive, but blessed the food anyway and started eating. It was really delicious and he said so, despite the dirty dishes. When dinner was over, the hostess took the dishes outside and yelled,' 'Here Soap! Here Water!''