Slip Jokes / Recent Jokes
After a laborious two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the jury finally ended its 14 hours of deliberations and entered the courtroom to deliver its verdict to the judge. The judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?"
"Yes we have, your honor," the foreman responded.
"Would you please pass it to me,"
The judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him.
After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court."
"We find the defendant NOT GUILTY of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman.
The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the sound of the "not guilty" verdict and hug each other as they shout more...
A guy with a black eye walks into a bar and sits down. He looks over at the guy next to him who also has a black eye and they both laugh. One guy says, I got mine with a slip of the tongue. I went to the train station ticket window to get a ticket and their was this beautiful, large breasted woman sitting there. I said I would like a pickett too tittsburg and she punched me in the eye.
The other guy said, I got mine with a slip of the tongue too. At breakfast instead of asking my wife to pass the cheerios I said you ruined my life you fat bitch!
NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa's summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere.
In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh. The announcement also included a notice that beginning Jan 1, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court.
Microsoft stated its commitment to "all who have made Christmas great," and vowed to "make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all." It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict. When asked "Why buy Christmas?" Bill Gates replied "Microsoft has been more...
Q: What did the blonde say after seeing the banana on the ground?
A: Oh, I'm gonna slip again!!
On a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted "conductor's coming!", and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and knocks on the bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The Engineers slip their one and only ticket under the door. The conductor punches it an moves on to the next car.
On the return trip, the four Lawyers, impressed by the Engineers' trick, purchase only one ticket. The Engineers, however have no tickets at all!. Suddenly, one of the Engineers shouts "Conductor's coming". All four Engineers head for the bathroom, and all four lawyers crowd into the other one. Then, one of the Engineers slips out of his bathroom and knocks on the other bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The lawyers then slip their only ticket under more...
The Shoplifter... A shoplifter was caught red-handed trying to steal a watch from an exclusive jewelry store." Listen," said the shoplifter, "I know you don't want any trouble either. What do you say I just buy the watch and we forget about this?" The manager agreed and wrote up the sales slip. The crook looked at the slip and said, "This is a little more than I intended to spend. Can you show me something less expensive?"
This is a true story out of San Francisco, but, of course you're reading it on the Internet so we know how valid THAT statment is...
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch and wrote "this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag." While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller window.
So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man more...